Best Of, I am ALL over the place. Literally., Too Stupid To Live, Twilight Zone Moments 
17 Comments Why so hard to do the things right?
So my father-in-law, Mr. The Dark Knight Sr, is a structural engineer. He are real, real smart. Thankfully, he’s seen some of my grandest and most subtle hints of brilliance, (which is fabulous because I love to look intelligent in front of those kinds of people).
Like the time we were eating dinner with him and Honey, and they were all saying smart things and I was chowing on some pineapple.
One of those bizarre masticating hiccups occurred after I stabbed a huge piece of pineapple with my fork and tried to bite it in half because it was way too big to fit into my mouth (run-on…..).
It slipped off my fork and I COULD NOT get it to sever in two.
I hunched over in hopes that it would detach and fall onto my plate.
It was not a success.
I was trying not to be all grabby with my food, so instead I took advantage of the awesome power of motion.
And that didn’t work out for me, so I finally gave up and made use of my phalanges, including my often underutilized opposable thumbs, and I pried it in half. 
It took quite a bit of effort, and in the end a tiny nugget was all I managed to rip off, leaving me with a gargantuan wad of stringy fruit to somehow process with my mouth closed! I chewed and chewed and chewed and chewed. And as I chewed I glanced casually around the table to check for witnesses.
But, that’s ancient history. I’ve changed and grown since then. Yesterday was a good example of that. It didn’t start out great, but it definitely got worse.
The boys were all…
And then I had to go into work that night because we’d received a truck-load of furniture and the store looked like this…
So I pushed and pulled and hung and stacked and hid things….
The store began to look marvelous again.
But I was mentally and physically obliterated so I left. I walked to our car, which used to belong to Honey and Mr. The Dark Knight Sr.
I got in and tried to turn the key…
I tried everything.
But nothing worked! Not a single thing. And I did it all at least 4 times. So I broke down and called Mr. The Dark Knight Sr.
And so, late at night, Mr. The Dark Knight Sr had to drive all the way over to my place of business and try to fix my car. He tried the key.
He turned the wheel.
He messed with the brakes.
(I did notice, however, that he failed to push any of the buttons. I’m just sayin…)
But then he tried something I didn’t think of.
At least it was the wrong key and not the wrong car.
I’ve done the wrong car too many times to count. And that includes opening and sitting. In Africa I regularly got into the passenger’s side to drive. I had an excuse that didn’t make me feel any better because nobody else in the parking lot knew what my issue was.
LOVE IT! LOL
I think we’ve all been outsmarted by a fruit at one point or another. That’s why I make it a point to periodically remind fruit who is boss. And THAT is why I’m not allowed in the grocery store any more.
Ahh, yes, the wrong key, I haven’t done that in a long time…
What have I done this week?
Locked myself out of the house. Twice.
Looked frantically in my purse for my phone, while I was holding it in my hand.
Forgotten to pick up my child at school.
Sigh.
Hey, where can I get a sofa like that one? It’s SO cute!
Looks familiar, no? I forgot to add your little ruffles….
I laughed so hard at the pineapple story as all the family is discussing intellectual things and you are over there fighting with your food. so funny but then all i can say about the car is OH NO, i was afraid that was coming.
What would we all do without someone like you in our lives, it would be so boring and dull. We love it that you fight with your food and laugh at yourself. You are the bright spot in our lives.
Nice rendition of your store, don’t you think?
Done that with someone else’s car that looked just like mine but I couldn’t figure out why “my” car was suddenly so clean. Took me a minute or so to figure out why it looked so clean – it wasn’t “my” car. Ooops. People really should lock them when they get out.
I can’t stop reading and re-reading this one. It makes me LOL everytime. Actually, I find myself thinking about it and LOL!
To answer your question, the two main things upon which you need to focus are site alignment and trigger control. You have to make sure that when you press the trigger, you do not upset your site alignment and… oh wait. Wrong blog.
Best comment ever
Oh god you’re killing me. At least it was in the family. I’ve done that with my boss before because I was trying to get into my office with my house-key.
O my! I am literally crying! This could absolutely be me with my in-laws! They are mathematicians and college professors. I will never forget the first dinner at their home where a debate ensued over which graphing calculator was more appropriate for a certain mathematical equation. Then, they realize I’m not joining in, so to be polite my future mil says, “What are you working on in school, dear?” And stupid me, I look at her and say, “Well, today I had to make a puppet.” Their blank stares would have been funny if I hadn’t wanted to die. Unfortunately that was only the first of a lifetime of embarrassing moments. *sigh*
Better than discussing anal fistula’s at the table, which happens when your father is a surgeon and your brother is a doctor in training. And the five year old is there like a word vacuum “what is anal?” “What is Fitulahs”, “I don’t want to eat my corn”, “I hate broccolli” (me- “don’t say hate – say dislike” – why do I bother with that?) and the entire time my Dad is saying “and then you open up the scerbodula and scrape the infested flesh from the berdwerma and you have to pack the entire area with vast wads of…” etc etc. I made some of those words up, I can’t be expected to remember those.
How the heck have I not been reading your blog? I, just this very minute, accidentally let out a small guffaw while on the phone with my boss. Thank you.
What? She doesn’t want to hear what I have to say. I need to entertain myself SOMEHOW.
Dear lord, I’m stuck in your blog and I can’t get out! My stomach is sick from laughing, my face hurts from getting all scrunchy and I have stuff to do! Must get out. But, just one more post, first…