Read no further if you don’t want to know.
I won’t even give you a hint.
Just turn away now.
For the rest of you, I’m not normally one to share something this personal but I’m hoping that in sharing this, others out there will be able to cope with their issues better.
Better than me.
I have regular reoccurring nightmares. I’ve had them for almost 16 years now. They get worse when I’m under a lot of stress, but otherwise, I have about one a week.
There was a trigger. A single moment in time that wouldn’t have changed my life forever had I not consumed 3 cokes on the way through El Paso.
We were driving through the vast nothingness just this side of the Texas-Mexico border.
Van Horn, Texas was the only thing for MILES.
We had no choice.
I had to go.
There was a scary, You-Don’t-Have-A-Choice-So-We-Don’t-Even-Try gas station on the outskirts of this tiny …town?
I went in to inquire about a bathroom.
Why couldn’t I have decided then and there to go squat in some bushes like any other Southerner?
Really, I was asking for it. I walked right into the trap.
It was so bad that I can’t even finish drawing it.
There were piles and piles and piles of poop in every corner. Up against every wall. Every. Where.
The toilet had apparently ceased working years ago and the already-full bowl had not deterred other poopers from filling it up even more. The poop stacked up above the toilet seat. How does that even happen? Someone would have had to suspend themselves from the ceiling to accomplish that disgusting feat.
And I was moderately disturbed the entire way back.
But I had no idea the paranoia that was etching itself into my psyche.
The dreams started soon after that.
Not just the normal dreams where you are sitting on a toilet in some inappropriate place. Like the science lab at school. Or the mall.
Those dreams where you can tell that everyone is “disappointed” in your lack of judgement.
No, there is a whole new layer to my toilet nightmares.
And not mine.
I’m always in somebody else’s bathroom. Or in public. And people are waiting to get in.
It starts when I flush the toilet.
The water wont go down.
The mystery poop starts rising.
And before I know it, turds are flying everywhere.
In every dream I’m trying to figure out how to get them back in the toilet. Because heaven knows I’m not taking the blame for all that fecal matter. Its disgusting.
And in the back of my mind I think, Why does this ALWAYS happen to me.
And then I wake up, doing a wimper-cry-protest.
When will it end for me? When will I escape this curse?