This post is rated R for…Really bad.

Read no further if you don’t want to know.

I won’t even give you a hint.

Just turn away now.

For the rest of you, I’m not normally one to share something this personal but I’m hoping that in sharing this, others out there will be able to cope with their issues better.

Better than me.

I have regular reoccurring  nightmares.  I’ve had them for almost 16 years now.  They get worse when I’m under a lot of stress, but otherwise, I have about one a week.

There was a trigger. A single moment in time that wouldn’t have changed my life forever had I not consumed 3 cokes on the way through El Paso.

We were driving through the vast nothingness just this side of the Texas-Mexico border.

Van Horn, Texas was the only thing for MILES.

We had no choice.

I had to go.


There was a scary, You-Don’t-Have-A-Choice-So-We-Don’t-Even-Try gas station on the outskirts of this tiny …town?

I went in to inquire about a bathroom.

Why couldn’t I have decided then and there to go squat in some bushes like any other Southerner?

Really, I was asking for it. I walked right into the trap.

Upon entering that room, a sight met my eyes that has altered me as a human being.

It was so bad that I can’t even finish drawing it.

There were piles and piles and piles of poop in every corner. Up against every wall.  Every. Where.

The toilet had apparently ceased working years ago and the already-full bowl had not deterred other poopers from filling it up even more.  The poop stacked up above the toilet seat.  How does that even happen?  Someone would have had to suspend themselves from the ceiling to accomplish that disgusting feat.

I left.

And I was moderately disturbed the entire way back.

But I had no idea the paranoia that was etching itself into my psyche.

The dreams started soon after that.

Not just the normal dreams where you are sitting on a toilet in some inappropriate place.  Like the science lab at school.  Or the mall.


Those dreams where you can tell that everyone is “disappointed” in your lack of judgement.

No, there is a whole new layer to my toilet nightmares.


And not mine.


I’m always in somebody else’s bathroom.  Or in public. And people are waiting to get in.

It starts when I flush the toilet.

The water wont go down.

The mystery poop starts rising.

And before I know it, turds are flying everywhere.


In every dream I’m trying to figure out how to get them back in the toilet.  Because heaven knows I’m not taking the blame for all that fecal matter.  Its disgusting.

I cry.

And in the back of my mind I think, Why does this ALWAYS happen to me.

And then I wake up, doing a wimper-cry-protest.

When will it end for me?  When will I escape this curse?


  • Poor baby. That is the saddest story I have ever heard.

    • Its a tragedy.

  • You have more traumatic stories than anyone I have ever met and they just keep coming. I can’t wait to hear more about this one, oh wait, maybe I don’t. Hope you just didn’t pass your nightmares on to us but its a possiblity. Sorry I laughed my brains out over your trauma.

    • And here I thought I’d literally told you every single thing in my brain. Have I NEVER mentioned the nightmares? The poopmares?

  • Back when they had phone booths, and even further back, when phone booths had ashtrays in them, my mom went into a phone booth to call someone because we were lost (obviously, pre cell-phone era). She came back to the car, visibly shaken. She wouldn’t say anything other than that we needed to find another phone booth.

    It was some number of miles later that we finally pried the reason for her shocked silence: “Somebody defecated in the ash tray. Of a phone booth.” I have a feeling that her view of mankind was never the same after that.

    • What really cracks me up is her reluctance to convey the horror. I can relate with your mother.

  • What a crappy nightmare.

    • That was my original title!!!!!

  • I came across a few bathrooms like that in Puerto Rico. No working plumbing, busted toilet, but people relived them selves anyway. I wanted to wash up just walking in there, but there was no sink.

    • No sink!!!! Why build anything at all?!?

  • Ack! The trauma! I was in that same bathroom, except at the border crossing in Mozambique. There was a woman just squatting in the middle of the floor because the toilets were so gross. And they were MOVING. There was a giant mass of flies covering everything. Gah! Thanks for bringing up such a traumatic memory.

    • Oh the horror!!!! I can see that picture! And in Africa no less! Think you could reconstruct that scene with clay?

  • Ummmmm……….Gross!

  • ohmygodohmygod. You have just added another layer to my nightmare about not being able to find a single working toilet anywhere.

    • Let me know how that goes….

  • Yuck.
    My recurring nightmare involves cockroaches.
    Don’t ask.

    • If we combined our nightmares we might actually be institutionalized.

  • That “out house” they told you was the “toilet” is actually a small scale replica of Lamesa, TX. Amazingly small world.

    • OR Levelland.

      • LOL!!!! That’s so true… Southwest Community College made of turd lincoln logs…. What a crap hole.

  • That’s disgusting…I have only seen two other toilet situations like the one you describe…in an autonomous region of southern China in a government-run hospital that had NO water and at a military R and R base in The Philippines used for triage after a major earthquake…again, no water. NO excuse for those crazy dudes…I know they have access to water! Sorry about your nightmares.

    • Yes! Foreign toilets! You almost EXPECT it. I was expecting filth but not on that level……

  • Well, I found it very funny. I have recurring nightmares, but not with p**p. Now that you’ve posted about it, it may just go away. My nightmares have to do with a detachable….

    • A detachable what?!? I have to know!! Is it something that should not ever be detached?

      • First, I wouldn’t have one and no, it should never be detached…Let’s say these dreams started when I was putting my husband through college to get his doctorate and I was the sole money maker for a very long time. It’s like a riddle!

        • I was thinking more along the lines of teeth. Haha. But I think I get it. I put my husband through a decade of school too!

  • God all these poop stories! Wow – maybe this is all from zombies? Zombies who go around pooping in ashtrays and on floors. I won’t say more because I’m eating my lunch – refried BEANS of all things – but I used to work in the showerhouse at a national park. Let’s just say I have some gross stories we can share one day :)

    • Ew! Public spaces are nasty.

  • I hate to say “awesome” about such a scary-gross dream. My repeat-nightmares involve teeth falling out. Doesn’t sound frightening, but I assure you there is a large amount of anxiety going on when I’m in that situation. Upon waking I must run to the bathroom mirror & check my mouth out.

    PS. Texas is yucky. You should move to another state. The end.

    Andi-Roo /// @theworld4realz

  • […] I looked over at buddies and they weren’t noticing the carnage that was etching its way into my psyche along with all that poop I discovered in that gas station bathroom! […]

  • I have those embarrassing toilet-is-in-open-area-without-a-partition nightmares ALL the freaking time. They’re awful. No poop so far though.

    *fingers crossed*

  • Assuming that EMI etc. do have valid copyrights on the music that is used in the movie, I would believe that making an unlimited number of copies available as “ptonoriomal copies” would infringe those copyrights. Even if Nina’s copyrights in the movie are licensed under some open license – which in itself is something Nina may do – then still she cannot sublicense the copyrights of EMI etc. under that open license, so that everybody who wants to distribute the movie on the basis of that open license still has to obtain the permission of EMI etc.

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