Sometimes I Am Confused. The Rest of the Time, I’m Just an Idiot

The other morning I was a Confused Idiot….

I actually enjoy some forms of momentary confusion.  Sometimes I’ll try to sleep sideways on the bed so that if I wake up, the light from the doorway will be in a weird spot and I wont know where I am.  I LOVE that feeling!

Never really works when I do it on purpose, though.  In High school I used to rearrange my room just to experience some night-time confusion and it seemed to work better when I was young and impressionable.

 

ANYWAY, Boy has been getting up REALLY early.  Sometimes as early as 4-4:30.  Ugh.

The other morning he got up and sat on the ottoman watching cartoons and sucking on his blanket.  I sat there, bleary-eyed, drinking my coffee.

bleary

 

 

Suddenly, my phone started ringing.  My phone never rings. And if it does, I NEVER EVER answer it.

I was shocked and frightened and irritated by the noise.

irritation

 

 

And then I saw who it was.

why are you calling me

 

 

And I was like What the heck??

Was he calling me in his sleep??

I realized he must have left his phone somewhere and somebody probably picked it up.  But its one of those crappy old pre-paid flip-phones (he doesn’t believe in phone usage). So who on earth would bother to track down its owner?

I decided, after much sluggish debate, to answer it.

hello

 

“HALLO….”

It was a kid on the other end.  My husband must have left it at the park.

The kid started babbling something completely incoherent.

Great. A nice, productive conversation at 5 in the morning.

are you being supervised young child

 

I figured I should talk to an adult.

But then, a bunch of things happened at once.

I looked up, and the kid on the phone said the exact same thing that MY OWN KID was saying….

oh good grief

 

uh duhhhhhh

 

duuhhhhhhh

 

hey you sounds yung

 

mommy der

 

who tell you my number

 

WHO LET ME PROCREATE!?!?!?

Good grief, Heather!

30 Comments

  • Bwahaha! Oh man, that cracked me up.

    I think Boy might be intentionally messing with you.

    • He is ridiculously smart. Uses a lot of adverbs for a 2-tear-old.

  • Hahahaha. This is exactly what I would have done!!!! Probably would have taken me longer to figure it out though! P riceless!!

    • I couldn’t believe it! And he was sitting RIGHT THERE! Granted the cartoons were on, but still…..

  • I love the endearing way that Boy just answers your question. Like it’s reasonable for you to talk about yourself in the third person and to ask where you are. Good on him for wrestling with that existential dilemma with grace and style :)

    • I am going to print this comment out and put it in his baby-book!
      LOVE IT!!!!!!!!

  • in your defense, NO ONE should be up at that hour — let alone, having coherent thoughts.

    ah, sigh. these cute pesky pests of ours.

    • And yet here I am. Awake at 5:30. Commenting on my blog. Waaaaa!
      It’s worth it. :)

  • So……now I have to assume that the reason your kid is getting up at 4 in the morning, is to make random phone calls to the people in The Dark Knight’s contacts. How many people has he called before randomly ending up with you?

    Also, it WAS 4 in the morning! I’m cutting you a little slack on that one. :)

    • Thank you. I’m glad he called me first. Of course, I may be the only contact in there….

  • So, instead of drunk dialing Boy is sleepy dialing? No, wait, you’re the sleepy one. What can we name this phenomena? Toddler dialing? Let me tell you, at 4:30 in the morning I am totally confused. In fact, I don’t often see 4:30 am because it’s too confusing and ugly.

    When I was a freshman in college my friends and I rearranged all the furniture in the common area to confuse all the other freshmen. We thought it was HILARIOUS! And, after you’ve stayed up all night to do it, it is pretty funny. Not so much now.

    • Yeah that’s too much work for hilarity these days.
      Or maybe not….
      It sounds like fun!!
      :)

  • *snort* That is awesome. And really, at 4:30 in the morning, that’s about as with it as anyone could be.

    • Thank you. I was hoping that’s what the answer would be

  • HA! I’m impressed that you answered a phone at 5 in the AM (a time which should be illegal) and then could actually form enough words to ask a question. Had it been me I would not have been capable of answering it. And if, in some momentary stroke of capability, I had been able to answer it, the most the kid on the other end would have gotten from me was an apathetic grunt.

    • I was JUST delirious enough to answer the phone. Any other time of day and you can forget about it!

  • Hysterical! To be fair, it WAS ridiculously early. (and I slept upside down on my bed the other night, although my reasoning isn’t for the confusion, but just for a change of scenery :)

    • I understand, Kianwi. I understand.

  • “I was shocked and frightened and irritated by the noise.” That’s me every time my phone rings.

    • I know right? It’s like “who do you think you are, calling me and stuff?!”

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