I am ALL over the place. Literally. 
10 Comments Rage Against the Machine (or whatever)
So I was driving the other day when I hit a stop light.
No, really, I’m not ragey. At least not on the outside. I hate cleaning up messes that I’ve made with an inability to control my mouth. Or my flailing arms…..
So, at this intersection I watched as a car pulled up at the perpendicular street.
(Perpendicular…..the more I look at that word and say it out loud, the more I don’t know what it means. Let do something fun and leave it where it is without looking it up!)
So, at this intersection I watched as a car pulled up at the perpendicular street.
My oncoming traffic had a green arrow and this enormous semi was trying to turn left. And not quite fitting.
There was a cute old couple in the car that was in the way. You know, the perpendicular one….
And when Mr. Cute Old Man saw the semi coming, he knew he would have to back up a couple of feet and scootch on over.
And he LOST HIS RELIGION.
And it took him like, two seconds to back up and let the semi through, and then he was back in his precious spot, still flipping his gourd.
The dude was in his 80′s at least. But he was nearly knocking his seat off its mount, thrashing back and forth and slamming the steering wheel. I should have taken a better look at what his wife was doing, but she seemed to be staring straight ahead.
This whole thing irritated the dog out of me. So I hopped out and approached his car.
I pitied the fool.
I sympathized with his trauma.
I displayed emotion like a pro.
Curse the laws of physics (when pertaining to what size vehicle can physically fit through what sized space!)!!
OR the “injustice”. WHICHEVER!
And that’s when he bludgeoned me with his donut cushion.
Ok so I never got out of my car. But I still thought What? On? Earth???
How do you get that far in life and never learn the art of self-control? How does something like HAVING TO MOVE YOUR CAR 17 INCHES make a person barf up a vital organ??
It kills me. It really does.
Of course, this week I went to the gym (where I have a PRE-PAID membership) and the doors were locked and there was a sign on the door that basically said, “You’re screwed. Sorry.”
They closed down. And now my world is crumbling.
And I cursed a blue streak (for me)
I am no better than he.
The entire gym industry is a shady business. When they close, and they do too often to have any confidence in one, they do it under the pretense of a “sudden” change, all the while knowing that they have already squandered your membership money and wiped their collective cornholes with your signed contract.
Yikes! What a day! Thats pretty funny though. The old man losing his gourd over the semi-truck. Im so glad you drew us a sketch of what exactly you meant by “perpendicular”. I was trying to picture it. Might I recommend you look up CrossFit? I go to a Crossfit and LOVE it. Its not like any gym I’ve ever been too. Hmmm, that sounded like I have gone to many, many, many gyms in the past…NOT! But anyways, check them out. If you wanna.
i love you, violet. you are funny. and wise. also, i love seeing a cute pink icon next to the dark knight’s commentary. hee-hee.
I may get tweaked by things, but I normally save them for humorous retellings. But every once in a while I will LOSE MY SHIT.
I got snarled in an epic traffic jam a while back, and so using my trusty phone as my copilot, I started heading North to bypass the mess. But the mess kept extending, and then I took a couple of wrong turns, etc. I was hot, frustrated, late, and not happy.
I took a left turn and didn’t notice someone walking in the crosswalk. As I started finishing the turn, this fat old lady looked up, saw me coming, and said, “Hey! Watch it!”
I saw her, had plenty of time to stay well away from her, but for some reason that just flipped my switch. Thankfully, I unloaded only after she was out of earshot, because she did nothing wrong, and man, did I unload.
2 minutes later, I thought to myself, “Huh. I totally lost it. Interesting.”
You never know what’s lurking inside. . . There have been times when I’ve flipped over something that now seems so ridiculous. My excuse is that there were probably many, many things conspiring against me for an extended period and the last thing was the one that flipped the switch. Sounded good on paper anyway.
We have this service station in town that see’s a lot of business. There’s a pretty big parking area around it and when it’s busy, the seniors will circle waiting for a spot to open instead of just getting in line. Then, as someone pulls out, they’ll just scoot right into the empty spot, possibly blocking somebody waiting at the pump to leave. I drives me insane!
I’ve often thought about sneaking in during the middle of the night and painting great big arrows on the pavement to facilitate traffic flow.
……of course, I’d hate to get bludgeoned with a donut cusion!
Bahahaha. I think we’ve all lost it at one time or another. Old people are not exempt, in fact, are even more prone to it since they lack the necessary energy to keep their shit under control. (I just made that up)
Bahahaha. I love how you could walk over there in the comic – it was almost as good as you doing it for real!
Its early. Sorry about all the Bahahahaha. the second bahahaha was overkill.
My extensive schooling in the university of life tells me that old geezer has suffered at least one stroke, maybe even a mild one, that left him with anger issues. I’ve seen it before and I’ll see it again, unfortunately.
On the flip side…life is so freakin’ awesome that I can hardly believe it, even when it’s hard and everything sucks.
Human beings can be so ridiculous. I spend most of my day laughing at them. Those gym people don’t understand that moms have to rearrange their entire lives and schedule things and get babysitters etc. just to go run in place for an hour. They deserve your outrage!