I was driving to work the other night and listening to an author being interviewed on NPR when I suddenly found myself in a jealous funk.

Does every writer also have to be a master elocutionist?

I have quite a number of talky friends, actually. There’s my Dial-A-Friend (really the only person I EVER talk to on the phone).

And my Genius Marathoner friend in Denver…

And of course The Dark Knight runs in brilliant circles.

Its not that I’m stupid, its just that there is a concerning disconnect between the complex sentences in my brain and the noises that come out of my mouth. I was on HGTV once. They made me talk about my furniture. Apparently the camera deducts 10 IQ points from its target.  Or maybe its just me.

As a result of this I tend to avoid too much unnecessary social interaction.

So I decided to search out a speech therapist. He was no help at all. So here I am, afflicted.

Next time we meet on the street, don’t be expecting anything fabulous to come out of my mouth.Or even socially adequate.

So brace yourself for the worst possible scenario.