Jun 18, 2012 - Too Stupid To Live    83 Comments

I Don’t Even Have Enough Brain Cells to Title This One.

Why on earth did I ever think I could keep a blog going at this time in my life?  Where did this COME from???


The Dark Knight and I have been married for almost 17 YEARS!  Thats enough time to write The Twilight series (in 400 different languages).  All those free evenings!  What did I do back when I could do and eat whatever I wanted??

(We didn’t dance. We are so NOT dancers)


Even after just one kid I had a little of the spunk left.

(This photo was taken by Amy-Rose King at a photo-shoot with Ashley Rogers.  You should look at their stuff and be wowed!!!!)


But now…..I’ve had two kids.  And they are at the age that kills my brain cells.  Its the little things that break a person down.

The unsolicited announcements…..


The unseen altercations…



Boy’s habit of clocking me in the face with absolutely anything and everything he wants me to see or do.


Its a form of torture that should be illegal.  Especially when I’m holding him.


But there are a FEW moments that make it all cool.



No, really I think everything they do smells like rainbows.  They are PERFECT.  

Once again I’m linking up with other bloggers at Yeahwrite.me

Read. Vote.


  • Thank you for this! I needed a good laugh tonight. You never disappoint! :)

    • That’s the best comment! Thank you, Becky!

  • LOL. Omg. Thats my day in a nutshell.

    Oh that was awesome. My favourite was the punch in the face. My oldest does stuff like this all the time!!! LOL

    • Why are they so crazy with their appendages? And WHEN does it stop??

  • That’s exactly right. The pic of the goggly, watery eyes. Yep, that’s exactly right. Darn kids.

    • I love their guts out….

      • Is that a real phrase??

  • I’m right there with you “cool-ish” conversations. Here’s one I had with my six year old last week:

    Kid: Daddy, would you be sad if I left and never came back?

    Daddy: I would be very, very, very sad. I would miss you very much.

    Kid: (reluctantly) Okaaaay… I guess I’ll stay. … For now.

    • Wow! So incredibly reasonable. A little something to look forward to I guess.

  • In every picture of me from first-born’s third birthday party, I am sporting a fantastic black eye. Not from some fun drunken chick-fight in a biker bar, alas. Darling child had head-butted me whilst sitting “affectionately” in my lap. WHAM with his bowling ball of a head. Lovely. We love them. We tell ourselves so and occasionally they echo the sentiment back at us. And we’re so tired that those brief moments carry us through the farting, the vomiting, the back-talk, the broken curfews (that comes later, I hear), and all the rest of it. Love = proof that humans are both amazing and a little bit stupid.

    • I know I’m going to miss it once I can feel my teeth again.

  • this. is. awesome.

    • Thank you!

  • Somebody told me they had way more energy in their 40’s. I sure hope so!!!

    • They must have given birth to children while in their late teens.

  • My kid puked on a daily basis until he was about 6 years old. It was maddening, but he’s my kid. What do you do? Gotta love ’em.

    • Ok that makes me feel so much better! Siggy’s a puker too. Totally freaks me out.

  • i never tired of these postings…so enjoy your sense of humor in our every day blessed drudgery.

    • Than you, Yvonne! Thanks for sticking it out with me!

  • You think 2 is bad, you should try 5. I’ve been getting puked on, pooped on, and head-butted for 13 years and my youngest is 2. I still have years to go.
    Hilarious post and I love the illustrations.

    • I am far too weak mentally, emotionally and physically to handle even 1 more than I already have. 5 would put me in a coma.

  • Perfect! We have a 3 1/2 yo and just had our 21st anniversary. Oh what in the world did I do with all that free time. I am also whacked at irregular intervals. This was the perfect way to start my morning!

    • So nice to hear I’m not the only one doing things backwards! And congratulations on over 2 decades of marriage! Such a feat!

  • Hahahha very cute. Love your expressions in these pics

    • Thanks! I go for 100% accuracy.

  • I always look forward to reading your blog because I know it will be fun and a brief escape from my hectic life. haha

    • Trade you a 3-year-old for an alpaca?

      • Deal

  • “Mommy sees it!!!” Ha ha!

    • Mommy sees way too many close ups.

  • Man, except for the fact that I’ve got girls, ( and was probably never all that spunky to begin with) we’re practically living the same life! (my husband’s head is also a dry erase board.)

    • Don’t worry, my spunk was always invisible anyway. It was more like head-spunk.

  • Well, I think you’ve still got the spunk!

    • Thanks vesta! (maybe its a San Antonio thing….)

  • lol.. my first one was a puker, the second a biter and the third NEVER sleeps.. it’s a good thing they are cute. Thanks for the laugh, Heather.. When I read your blog it is never a polite giggle.. always a gut busting guffaw!

    • Raela, I had the weirdest dream about you last night which is strange because I’ve only seen you once this decade. Dreamed we were about to play in a major basketball game but it was imperative that we both be dressed like little orphan Annie. In black body suits. But my wig would never work so we didn’t show up.

  • Pretty much the story of my life, except I have girls.

    • The only REAL difference is that yours were probably talking earlier. Yikes!

  • Haha! I love this!
    I am right there with you. Kids are awesome and weird, and you are funny!

    • Thanks Dawn! I knew about the weird but I had no idea about the awesome. I do now.

  • I can totally relate!

    • Good. I’m glad I’m not the only freak show. :)

  • Are you peeking in my windows? That scene replays in my house every single day. Over and over again. Sigh. Great illustrations!

    • Its like they’re all in this together….

  • The girl is 15, which is awesome in that she’s pretty self-sufficient, but NOT awesome in that she just had major knee surgery and it’s like I have a goddamn toddler again. UGH. SO EXHAUSTING.


    • Oh your daughter doesn’t barf rainbows?!

  • You are seriously gifted and seriously brilliant and completely wrapped in down to earth comedy. I love you so very much!

    Your opposite twin,
    Heather #2

    • Hi opposite twin! Thanks for commenting! Just seeing your name makes me happy!

  • Haha! I hate the “Hit you in the face” game!

    Love the rainbow farts.

    • Why is the face such an attractive target?
      So thankful I don’t wear glasses!

  • Heather- this is so FREAKIN’ good!

    • Thanks willy!!!

  • and all of the mothers said? amen.

    • And then passed out.

  • you have been married an entire teenager…congrats!!

    • And yet we have toddlers. :)

  • Another great post :) Can’t help but laugh and enjoy!

    • Good! Can’t help but cry and feel sorry for myself…

  • At first I thought your tee-shirt said Babble, not Barbie. Hilarious. Great pictures. Makes me wish I could draw.

    • Half the time that shirt makes no sense at all. Kind of like my mouth.

  • So so funny. I had a clocking-in-the-face baby but he’s turned out to be a great kid. Now that he’s ten.

    • Oh good. Only 8.5 more years.

  • That photo? Amazing. Even if you think (and I doubt this) that you don’t look like that anymore…at least ONE DAY OF YOUR LIFE you looked like that coolio chick in that picture. You win.

    • Yes that will be my profile pic until I’m 90.

  • Very clever. I remember getting a black-eye from an over-zealous toddler head butt once. And that was a great photo of you and your first.

    • Thanks. Yes the black eyes are killer. But a head to the teeth makes me want to pass out more than anything.

  • I always assumed facial bruises were a just a bonus piece of a mother’s rights of passage. But I suppose if they are still dinging us up, that means they are still not too cool to avoid us. I’ll take the abuse, and the hugs that come with it.

    • Amen!

  • Loved!!

    • Thanks!

  • Oh my gosh. I about peed myself when I saw the picture of the rainbow-colored barf and farts. Pure awesomeness!!!! Thank you for making me snort Diet Coke.

  • Was it rainbowy!?!?

  • Totally Hilarious! And… exactly true. I have 3 year old twins and a 2 year old. I think my head is going to pop off my body sometimes. Lets get our kids together and just draw all the crazy crap they do. We could make it into a book. And be millionaires. Great post!

    • Heads popping off bodies! That is hilarious. Yes. I know that feeling, although yours has more fuel behind it.

  • You make me laugh out loud. Literally LOL. Thank you for this.

    • Laughing out loud is almost as fun as stifled fits of laughter. Is there a shorthand for that?

  • Hilarious and so true! The unfortunate fact is that each new age brings with it those moments that make you twitch. As the mother of 4 “darlings,” of my own I know! You’ve already chosen the best option and that is to find humor in the situation because if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry! :)

  • HAHA awesome. Love the truck in the face one. I go through that every day!

  • Oh Jeez! You are so damn funny!

  • Gorgeous photo! You are just too good at this blog thing.

  • Hahaha! ” I not go poo-poo in mine pants.” I feel you on that one.

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