I am obscenely jealous of people who enjoy eating healthy food. You know, all those people who watched Super-Size me and WERE NOT immediately in the mood for a Quarter-Pounder with Cheese. I take my scarf off to you. Why can’t I be you, you healthy nut?I don’t understand the person who geeks out over boiled asparagus, or the person who tries one tiny bite of a triple-decker-chocolate-fudge-cake with piles of cream cheese icing and then goes… *too*
I could plant my face in that cake and chew my way to the bottom before the candles burn out.I once saw Sarah Jessica Parker on Oprah and she was all…Oh whatever Mrs Sarah Jessica Parker Matthew Broderick.
We can’t all be ballerinas.
Still…..I wish I was one of those people. You know who you are.At least once a day I seriously think about where I might be able to get my hands on some candy. And its not just “I’d like a piece of chocolate.”. No, that would be normal.
I want Laffy Taffy. And Nerdz Ropes. And King Sized M&Ms. And some cupcakes. And Sonic. The whole thing.How did this happen to me? My mom was the Queen of Natural Foods. She made her own whole wheat noodles on a baking dish. I know I’ve used “Fruit Roll-ups” in a blog before, but the fact is that we never got within grabbing distance of a fruit-rollup. We ordered “Fruit Leather”from some Coo-coo Co-op. You want to know what it tasted like? Exactly as good as it sounds. Like somebody smashed 47 strawberries with the bottom of their shoe, took a blow-drier to the mess and then peeled the result off their sole. And then there was her home-made bread. Thick. Heavy. Crumbly. Painful.So now, I’m like 30-something and I just pumped out some babies, and I just can’t eat the things I want to eat. When I was pregnant, I got big. It was a total shock. And even though I shrunk back down afterwards, things just ain’t the same.
And so……I JOINED THE GYM!
When The Dark Knight comes home for lunch, I rush out the door, no matter what I look like. No matter what I feel like. No. Matter. What.And boy do I hate it. I listen to something totally hard-core, just to make it through.And when I finally finish, I’m pretty much Queen of the Universe.But then I go home and I’m all…But one change at a time, people. One change at a time!
What I’m hoping for is that I’ll get some killer muscles and they’ll take care of the Fee-fees at night while I’m sleeping.It works that way, right?