I am ALL over the place. Literally., Too Stupid To Live
17 Comments How pigs and monkeys and penguins solve our communication crises.
I have been funkadelic this year week. Maybe its hormones or stress or maybe I’m just insane.
I wake up feeling all old and droopy and gaggy.
Some times I take the advice of Lynn’s mom and “Put some lipstick on. You’ll feel better.”
For days when that doesn’t work, I’ll also take a stab at the ‘ole hair-do.
But because I’m having to grow out the “boing-boing”, the scarf is back on in a matter of minutes.
And heaven forbid The Dark Knight is also in a funk….
(I don’t know why he’s thinking of himself)
But man do we have some overlapping moods. And when we’re not happy, it trickles down to the midgets.
But it was worse before kids. Anytime we were having simultaneous funks, we’d just have to work it out. You know, with communication. All I want to do is sit on the porch in a ski-mask.
The Dark Knight wants to go do things.
When we lived in Africa it was particularly hard because we were VERY isolated. I’d be in a deep dark place and he’d be all “We’re going on an excursion through the southside of HELL!” (Or the beach or whatever!)
When we first moved into the wine country we were surrounded by mountains and vineyards. It was torture. I know.
I had a hard time with the transition. He drug me out of the house because I was funky and he was funky.
We found a large hilly vineyard and he started driving up their private road.
That made me funky AND terrified.
…. we drove to the top of the hill and the sun was setting. It really was beautiful.
The Dark Knight suggested I get out of the car and stand on the roof for a better photo. I think he was probably using me as a decoy to see if there were snipers.
So, I got out and stood on the roof of the ‘ole Merc.
And then. Suddenly. Inexplicably. Un…recover…ably…..
He started driving again.
And heaven knows I can hardly balance on a basic, stationary surface.
And because he heard my Sasquatch feet pounding around on the top of the car he screeched to a halt.
And I could not control my limbs.
And I gallumped down the front of the car like a freaking antelope.
And to this day we’re all shocked that I landed on my feet.
And as I was recovering, The Dark Knight and I looked at each other to figure out what on God’s green earth just happened.
And we simultaneously knew it was completely the other person’s fault.
I got back in the car with my panties in a wad. The Dark Knight was fairly waddy himself.
All I can say is thank goodness for random critters in Africa!
They saved us from many stupid conversations.
You can always dodge a bullet when there is a cute animal around.
Why aren’t there better critters here?














































Holy hell, the ‘no likey’ pic cracked me up. I have a min-pin that looks almost exactly like that, and she makes the same face when confronted with something she doesn’t care for.
It’s that little tortured howl. The Doon did NOT like me touching that pig.
I’ve always been very leery of traveling to Africa after a girl I knew went there and (according to her, no lie) had to flee with her guide in the middle of the night because a local chief had died and his tribe thought it would honor him to be buried with a white girl.
So I love these stories you’ve got, especially when they involve crazy things like random pigs and monkeys!
We lived right on the coast of False Bay. It’s one of the only spots in the world where the Great White’s breech the water while hunting seals. Man we saw some cool animals.
i feel a bit bad when I’m laughing my brains out at your misfortunes. Its hard to feel too bad for you when you make it seem so funny. those pics of you falling off the car are just too funny and then I can just imagine the exchange between you two. Thanks for being able to laugh at yourself and the dark knight and then letting us laugh at you, I mean with you.
I will tell mother that her lipstick lessons are being passed far and wide.
Tell her that lipstick DOES, in fact, make me feel better. Even in Africa.
You and the Dark Knight sound like a lovely couple lol… I still don’t quite get what he meant for you to do on top of the car – did he want you to sit rather than stand? Or did he not really expect you to go up there at all?
I totally agree about the lipstick thing though – a little lipstick can do wonders for a bad mood!
Yes, he was assuming I would sit!
The whole thing was a set-up. “Where mine fun?” The Dark Knight KNEW you’d make a lovely hood ornament.
If only I could have stayed on the hood. And been graceful about it…..
I absolutely LOVE penguins. It would be great to just come across penguins while driving. Even if I had just fallen off a car roof.
The penguins were awesome! And baffling. Who knew????
I get anxious about being on strangers’ property too. I even feel self conscious when I use someone’s driveway to turn around in (are they watching me from the window?!?!). Once we were driving around in some impossibly ritzy neighborhood north of Chicago where pretty much every house was a castle, just kind of sight-seeing, and we actually got pulled over by the police. The guy told us, in kind of a round-about way, that we looked suspicious driving around there because our car was…not the right sort of car to be in a neighborhood like that. The car we have now is even older and even LESS cool. He’d probably call for back-up if we tried to drive through that neighborhood now. Oh, well. I guess it doesn’t hurt to be reminded now and then of our place in the world! (And it’s not on the roof of a moving vehicle – can’t believe you ended up on your feet!)
I laughed out loud at the pic of you on top of the car. Bahaha! And also, on a strange and completely unrelated note, I no longer have a problem loading up your blog.
LMAO… okay, I just found you today & I absolutely LOVE you. You are a funny squirrel. I have added you to my “read this shit when you’re being a sad-sack” list — so you are now responsible for my future happiness.
Andi-Roo /// @theworld4realz
http://www.theworld4realz.com/
theworldforrealz@gmail.com
Best…post…ever…. “And we simultaneously knew it was completely the other person’s fault.” Isn’t marriage fun!!! My sides seriously hurt. Thanks for the laugh!
I just read this and I was laughing so hard I was crying. As a matter of fact Im going back and reading it again! Thanks for that