Browsing "Too Stupid To Live"
May 14, 2013 - Too Stupid To Live    15 Comments

Social Media That Involves a Camera For My Face

I haven’t had much time to blog lately.  I’ve been too busy taking pictures of my face.  I take other pictures, too.  Actually, most of my pictures are of the boys.  But now that I have an iPhone 5 (with the little “turn the camera around so its facing me” option), I am in WAY TOO MANY pictures.  Instagram is my downfall.

gorgeous

Because it takes all these mediocre shots of me and turns them into Glamour Shots and then I post them as if that’s the way I really look and then when people see me in person they are horribly disappointed. And then even worse are the pictures I let Siegfried take of me in my jammies with zero makeup.

no makeyup

 

And I look at them and cringe but then I figure that in 20 years I’ll be wishing I looked like 38-year-old me with no makeup and very little sleep.  And so I post the pictures anyway.

But most of the time its just inane shots.

Walking with the stick.

walking

 

Opening a letter from my mama with 5 DOLLARS IN IT!

5 dolla

 

Actually I was totally stoked about that 5 bucks.  I never have cash (umm…because I never purchase things…), so I had that 5 dollars and I couldn’t even decide what kind of candy I was going to buy with it.

Instead, I opened up another “photography” app on my phone and recorded myself drawing this….

 

But most of my stuff looks like this…

 

Or this….

 

OOps, I hit publish..

Hang on there’s more excitement!!!!!!!!!!

Also I did this on Saturday.

finished

 

Which you already know if you follow me on one of my 47 million social platforms.

I did some painting on a friend’s wall.  I don’t do much wall painting anymore but I would paint any old thing Katy asked me to! And this was interesting.

I taped off the wall…

moron

 

And then taped it off some more….

Idiot

 

 

wate a minnit

 

And then PAINTY PAINTY…

there we go

 

 

So lots of painting and taping and stripping (the tape) and more painting and more taping and more stripping (the tape)….

paintypainty

 

It took me approx 47 million hours. (13).

Its Time for Some Friday Angst

Friday seems to be a slow blogging day, so if I’m going to air my grievances, this is a great day to do it.

I don’t have any greivances.  I’m just angsty in general.

Its usually art angst.  I’m starting to wonder if I don’t have some compulsive tendancies when it comes to making the artsy stuff.

Right now I’m building bonsai trees.  The first one doesn’t look at all bonsai-ish, but it was a birthday present for Cathy, so its more like her stuff.

Lovely, grainy, dark phone shot.  Don’t you just love all the crap in the background?  The saw? The paint cup? The glue? The tape? The thread?

Ug.

The next two are looking a little more tree-ish.

I start by mixing cement.

 

Then I pour it and insert the form I’ve created.  Rods, wires etc.

 

Then I paper mache it….

And right now I’m painting it.

The thing weighs about 15 pounds even though its small.  Wish I could just make 1 and be happy.  No, I’m going to make 20.

In other news I have 2 new paintings on etsy.

Springtime on the mountain….

 

And Baby….

 

I guess my art angst comes in at the end of the day.

After a long day with the boys…avoiding chores….

 

…feeling old and tired on the bench while Siggy uses my phone to take 27 portraits of me…..

 

…I just want to lay on the floor and drool.

Or draw.  Because that requires zero supplies and no mess to clean up and I can do it in bed and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz………….

Your Horse is Fat

So you know I don’t watch TV.  I LOVE TV.  But now that we have offspring and I have like 3 hours PERIOD to make pretty arts, I can’t watch it.  It will suck me in and I’ll get nothing done.  But I’ve been working on these paintings (which I already had planned out) and I thought it might be nice to have a show going on Netflix while I worked.  New concept!

So I chose a medical drama because I hate medical and I hate drama.  But I figured since I wasn’t actually looking at the screeen most of the time, it wouldn’t be that bad.  I’ve been”watching” it for several weeks now.  ANd last night I learned that if you want to truly the sophistication of the television you watch, just lay out the plot line for someone who isn’t “caught up”.

I won’t even SAY what show I’ve been watching.  Its too embarassing.  If you recognize the plot, DON’T OUT ME!!!!

This exact conversation happened last night.  No words have been changed.

Except Blar Dee Blah. That is a dramatization of the actual show title…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And on a side note, we haven’t laughed like that since I did a painting for my brother-in-law (of a horse….I can’t draw animals….)…

Latty, as in “fatty fatty boobalatty”

 

 

 

So now I am watching better television and painting elephants because its ok if they are a little on the chubby side…..

She Had a Lot to Say. She Had a Lot of Nothing to Say. (we’ll miss her)

 

Right?!!

 

Well…

 

Oooooo! Fancy fancy.

 

Really, I’d just like to say that I thank my lucky stars that I was not born a dog, because if I was a barker and my owner put one of those shock collars on me, I would never ever ever ever learn.

I don’t know if its because I’m a sasquatch with long monkey arms, or if its the fact that we have low ceilings, or if I just need to grow A SINGLE WORKING BRAIN CELL, but I am about to show you something I do every. single. day.

 

I sure don’t mind putting on my pants in the closet, but if I’m going to put on (or take off) a shirt, apparently it wont happen unless I can stick my hand into the high-speed ceiling fan.

I just don’t learn.

 

And half the time I’m not even standing still.  I’m moving from point A to point B and the ceiling fan is waiting RIGHT THERE to catch my hand like some kind of sadistic Monkey in the Middle.  And its traumatic and loud and jarring.

EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

 

 

In bigger news, I was working on a painting a few weeks back….

 

And I was all up in its grill, as usual.  But then I noticed something.  Something that has NEVER happened to me before.

 

The canvas was blurry!

 

 

All my life I’ve been waiting for the moment when I can go out and buy reading classes!  I don’t know why…. its not like I want to wear glasses.  But I love the thought of not being able to see something right in front of my face and then suddenly when I put these things on my nose….I can see it…..!!!!  Its a miracle, no???

So, I just now decided to draw how glasses make me feel, but I’ve also just put the boys down and one of them has “Tee-tee on mine pants!” and the other one is jumping up and down on his crib mattress as if he has to lose 56% of his body weight by midnight.  So I stopped paying attention to my drawing after I drew the circle for the face.

 

So there it is, folks.  Exactly how I don’t feel when I put on my reading glasses.

 

Also, I saw my Wump this week.  He’s been living on my Sister-in-law’s ranch.  Out with the cows and coyotes and wild pigs.  He was all dirty and gross then.  But now he’s with the parent’s-in-law and he’s back to his buttery soft clean self.  The Wump I know and love.

 

He’s just so stinking stupid.  “Stand up, Wump!”

Biff! Face-plant on my knee.

 

I love him to stupid pieces.

I Say Meep to You!

I can’t imagine having the ability/compulsion to talk NON-STOP.

For some people, words just dribble out of their mouths like….. dribbly stuff.

I spoke to a girl today who had that ability/inability-to-cork-it.  She was telling me about a fabulous restaurant and it became clear that she wasn’t sure of the exact name of the place.

 

Did that slow her down?

No. It did not.

 

In fact, various names came spilling out of her pie-hole one after the other.  Each with a tone of total certainty and conviction.

 

 

I mean, how do you think that fast, let alone SPEAK THE WORDS .

People like her commonly share other qualities.  Sometimes they’ll ask a question, but while you are answering, their face is still making noises.

 

 

And they are often unfazed by any form of disagreement.

 

There must be something scientific behind this.  You talkers have a brain that follows your mouth.  Or maybe it pushes the words out as its forming them.

 

My brain is such a jerk when it comes to sharing.

 

Today Siggy came out into the living room having dressed himself.  I happened to have the camera open on my phone and I got it on video.

He was wearing his shirt as shorts and his underwear were on his head.

I watched the video a little while later (after I’d sent it out to the whole fam), and I was appalled by my inability to narrate.

 

I was also looking through my pictures and realized that most of my photos are of me by myself.

 

And most of them I took myself for the days when I blogged my daily life.

 

And half the time I’m doing something….weird.

There are no pictures of me in a bar with all my girlfriends….

 

I am such a loner.

I blame it on my words.

Meep