Browsing "Random Thoughts"
Mar 19, 2013 - Random Thoughts    35 Comments

What, you don’t like to chow on dog fecal matter?

So, the good news is that I FINALLY got my ipad fixed.  Yay!

The bad news is that the boys have their grubby paws all over it now.  Not for long…..

It was so fun to sit down today to a clear, smooth screen.  I thought I’d give my cartoon self a little freshening-up too.

You know, a new do.  A new t-shirt.  Now that my hair is so much longer, I feel like I should more accurately represent myself in art form.

Sexytown: Population- Me


Ok, well, actually that more accurately represents my mental self…..

(Mental being the key word….)


Here we go.  A new hairstyle.  A new t-shirt….


Or maybe the “I’ve Given Up On Life” style…..


Or the “Yes I’m 38 years old. Why?” style…..


But I’m not sure.  I’ll have to think about it…..

Today I got a wild hair and started dismantling our house.  Pulled junk out of closets, ripped sheets off beds, etc.  I learned that toddlers will go all grape-nuts if you make a pile of something or move a large piece of furniture.  Today I took the slipcover off the sofa to wash it and I scooted the sofa into the dining area.  You would have thought I set up a trampoline and a swimming pool right in the middle of our house.  The boys went bananas.


And for a while, I could shred my bedroom closets in peace.

But then my name started coming up…..


And eventually my constant intervention was required….


And I had to leave my path of destruction where it was in order to seperate two immature humans.


In other news…. Siggy’s speech impediment…..

Everything “Y” or “S” related starts with an “L”.

Yummy = Lummy

Soup = Loup

Shirt = Lirt

So the other day we got a big hunk of fudge at some crazy fudge place.  We sat outside and I tore off a wad and handed it to Siegfried.


Ummmmmm……… what?




What the… ?!







We need to work on that……

All the People I’ve Barely Known

So there is this middle-aged man in our complex who is afflicted with an (unfortunately) obvious case of OCD.

And not OCD like, “I wash my hands ten times a day, teehee.”

This guy will set his car alarm all the way to his apartment, often coming back out and setting it five or six more times.  When he leaves the house, he usually pulls out of his spot (DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OUR PLACE) and then pulls over, puts his hazzards on and goes to check his front door.  Then he’ll drive out the gate, make an immediate u-turn and be back inside checking the door again.  Siggy’s constant question is, “Why he do dat?”

Truth is he FASCINATES me. If I could ask him 47 million questions, I would.  But I can’t, really.

There was a guy in Chicago that I called Yelly Guy (because I’m a genius with descriptive names…). We lived above the Dominos pizza on a massively busy intersection and this guy would shop at the Jewel across the street several times a week.  The first time I heard him I had the windows open, but in later years I discovered that I could hear him in the middle of rush hour traffic with the windows shut and barred.

I was schilling out on the sofa when suddenly…


I was like, What the?”  I ran to look and there he was.  Yelly Guy.  Groceries in his hands, a pipe clenched firmly in his mouth.


I bet that yell rattled his teeth.  Broke my heart.  Any time I heard him yelling I went to look and watch.  I always wished I could meet him and ask him all about himself.  Until one day….

He was walking down the sidewalk and two college girls had just passed him when out of nowhere….



Those two girls screamed the kind of screams that I’m SURE included pants-wetting.


I mean, you hear that kind of noise on a city street right behind you and suddenly you’re weeping for all the missed opportunities in your life and begging for a painless, non-humiliating death.

But Yelly Guy was an Angry Yelly Guy. He totally ripped into them.



After that my sense of self-preservation voted against engaging Yelly Guy in a conversation (although even the violent cursing could have been part of the disease….).

I’ve worked with some fairly interesting people over the years as well.  One of the most fascinating was Cowboy.  And yes, that was his name and no I have not changed it.

I was a BBQ-slinging, cocktail waitress for a few years in a blues joint.  Cowboy was a cook and the MOST HELPFUL bus-person I have ever had the pleaseure to know.

He also had the style down.


He never once in all his time there deviated from that outfit.

The kitchen closed at midnight, but he would stay afterwards and bus the tables while we ran around enabling the drunkards.  Cowboy liked to move fast.  And when he did, his life-time supply of keys would rattle like nobody’s business.


In fact, as the night wore on he’d get more wound up and he’d litterally RUN through the restaurant with a tub full of cups and a cigarette hanging out of his mouth.  All the frat-daddys would laugh at him (on lame Frat-daddy music night).  I wanted to punch them in their hairless necks.

But I learned early on that it was best for a 21-year-old woman not to ask too many personal questions of an older…. quirky man.  I just had to wonder……..

Later on I worked for a man named Kenneth (name changed to protect… whoever).  He was funny and creative and hardworking.  I helped him open his flower shop.


A few months later, another man, also named Kenneth, opened a store RIGHT NEXT DOOR.


They were like the angel/demon shoulder-sitters of the gay world.  Such a bizarre coincidence…


The Dark Kenneth HATED me!  HATED AND LOATHED!  And of course I didn’t know this because I’d never met him.  I would see him walking jauntily by the window on occassion.  But then a shop owner told me that he was saying all this nasty stuff about me and I was like, “What the??”

I don’t do drama, so I really didn’t care what this guy had to say because HE WORE CAT-EYE CONTACT LENSES.

One evening, the block was having a sidewalk sale/party and I was working for a friend in a clothing boutique.  Suddenly, Dark Kenneth comes marching in there, drunk as a skunk, and starts wailing an apology.


Now THAT was interesting.  But then he ran out sobbing before I had a chance to ask him what his mother was like……


In art news, I just finished a very manly painting.

A tad different than my usual fare.

It was for my brother-in-law for his birthday (speaking of interesting people).  I’m allowed to talk about him now that I know he reads this.

Many many years ago he was all….


And BOOM! It happened.  He married a great girl, got hired on in a church and man they pumped out some babies!



5 babies in 7 years! And she can still wear a bikini!!!



15 years later, he suddenly decided that he was tired of being out of shape and sedentary and so he started eating right and working out and now all of a sudden he’s become really great at boxing.


And so he goes around the neighborhood trying to pick fights with the neighbors but they all decline.  You’d think people would be lining up to punch a pastor. But no.  They’re just scared.

I’m also working on this painting.  Its huge.

Not done with it yet.  I’ll show you when I am, intertesting people.

I know you’re out there…..


PS- Spell check is no longer working on my blog and so we’ll all have to take what we can get in the “accuracy” department.  “Accuracey”?…..


Jan 14, 2013 - Random Thoughts    33 Comments

I Spew Forth Random Thoughts!

I’ve had a cloud hanging over my head lately.  Not a big, scary, soul-crushing cloud.  Just a little annoying one.


I’m finishing up a couple of paintings to make into prints.  Here’s a lovely grainy phone shot.


So I’m not SO “down” that I can’t create.  Just…..low.

But then tonight I was trying to decide what I needed to do and I remembered my blog.  I could literally feel the endorphins squirting out of my brain.


Part of my problem is that we’re  isolated right now.  Not that we haven’t always been, to some degree.  We’ve always lived away from family and we went 13 years without kids, so we’ve done a lot of alone time.  And neither one of us are lovers of large groups.  Plus The Dark Knight is a little weird…..


But now we’re in that phase of life where we have little kids, with one needing above average care. We don’t really have babysitters and even if we did find someone, I’m here to tell you that I have raised the clingiest offspring on the planet.

And this is BEFORE the vomitting starts…..

But I’ve always loved the village idea.  It takes a village to raise a kid.  I was raised by a village.  Now, it was definitely a fruitcake village, full of crazy fundamentalists (I love you crazies), but we DID LIFE with people.  And it was wonderful for as long as it lasted.

I don’t go on and on about it on this blog, but I am a Christian.  And I have a HARD time with church.  Or so I thought.  I realized some time back that it wasn’t church, it was me.  I always feel out of place.

Back when I was wild, I didn’t quite fit in with those crowds.  Like they were bad to the bone and I was just a nerdy weirdo.

And now that I’m in church, I feel like some wildly innapropriate thing is going to fly right out of my mouth and homeschoolers for miles will be scarred for life.


The fitting in thing will never happen for me.  But that doesn’t mean I can avoid the human interaction. Its why I’m here.  On earth.  Existing.

And so I’m digging church for the first time in my adult life.


They meet in an elementary school.  The musicians are AMAZING but its not a rock concert.  Just a couple of acoustic guitars and this guy who sits and bangs on a box.


The Pastor is my age and very….real.

DISCLAIMER: Nothing this stupid would ever come out of his mouth. Its late and thats all I could think of.


He reminds us regularly that his heart is corrupt just like the rest of ours (and I believe him).  I think I appreciate him because I can relate with his world view.  Its not narrow.  Its not hateful or exclusive.  Man I need that.

But Sunday mornings are all I’m able to do with our kid situation.  It never gets past that point.

So maybe what I’m feeling is a little bit of loneliness.   I welcome loneliness a lot in my life because…. I like being alone.  But then there are those times when I don’t.

And so after I put the screamers down and crammed 5 bowls of popcorn into my face, I remembered my blog and how so many of you keep coming back even after I post a bunch of crap.  And you comment.  And I love you for it.  Its good for me.  Thank you, peeps.

She Had a Lot to Say. She Had a Lot of Nothing to Say. (we’ll miss her)






Oooooo! Fancy fancy.


Really, I’d just like to say that I thank my lucky stars that I was not born a dog, because if I was a barker and my owner put one of those shock collars on me, I would never ever ever ever learn.

I don’t know if its because I’m a sasquatch with long monkey arms, or if its the fact that we have low ceilings, or if I just need to grow A SINGLE WORKING BRAIN CELL, but I am about to show you something I do every. single. day.


I sure don’t mind putting on my pants in the closet, but if I’m going to put on (or take off) a shirt, apparently it wont happen unless I can stick my hand into the high-speed ceiling fan.

I just don’t learn.


And half the time I’m not even standing still.  I’m moving from point A to point B and the ceiling fan is waiting RIGHT THERE to catch my hand like some kind of sadistic Monkey in the Middle.  And its traumatic and loud and jarring.




In bigger news, I was working on a painting a few weeks back….


And I was all up in its grill, as usual.  But then I noticed something.  Something that has NEVER happened to me before.


The canvas was blurry!



All my life I’ve been waiting for the moment when I can go out and buy reading classes!  I don’t know why…. its not like I want to wear glasses.  But I love the thought of not being able to see something right in front of my face and then suddenly when I put these things on my nose….I can see it…..!!!!  Its a miracle, no???

So, I just now decided to draw how glasses make me feel, but I’ve also just put the boys down and one of them has “Tee-tee on mine pants!” and the other one is jumping up and down on his crib mattress as if he has to lose 56% of his body weight by midnight.  So I stopped paying attention to my drawing after I drew the circle for the face.


So there it is, folks.  Exactly how I don’t feel when I put on my reading glasses.


Also, I saw my Wump this week.  He’s been living on my Sister-in-law’s ranch.  Out with the cows and coyotes and wild pigs.  He was all dirty and gross then.  But now he’s with the parent’s-in-law and he’s back to his buttery soft clean self.  The Wump I know and love.


He’s just so stinking stupid.  “Stand up, Wump!”

Biff! Face-plant on my knee.


I love him to stupid pieces.

Why Does Every Major Event in My Universe Have to Happen in One Week?

Ok, 2 weeks.

Christmas Eve=our wedding anniversary (because I chose that day back before I realized I wasn’t a romantic)

Christmas (people get toys and Jesus gets born!)

December 30th. (Siggy turns 4. People get toys.)


New Years Eve (we stay up and think of all the stupid things we used to do).

January 7th (Boy turns 2. People get toys).


But thats ok.  Out with the old, in with the new.

Other than that, I’ve been working at night some.  Doing the ‘ole window at Bless Your Heart (you Texas people need to check them out!)


But mostly, I’ve had no time and no space, so I’ve been trying out a new art medium….


Don’t worry, I don’t even understand it my own selfs.

All I know is that I spend an inordinant amount of time crouched in the corner, shredding pices of fabric. FOR NOW.

I seem to do a lot of that though….

I’ll let you know when my creation is finished.

Anyway, happy birthday 2013!