I had too much caffeine this morning and proceeded to clean my entire house around 2 toddlers. That is an act of magic. Just getting clothes out of the dryer is an act of magic for me.
And not just “these days”.
I am not an
ideal housekeeper. But I consumed the caffeine and I cleaned and I THOUGHT. I did a little introspection. I rooted through my brain looking for a common thread in all the little things that tickle me.
I’m all over the place.
But the other day Siegfried did a belly-flop in the grass and his Frenemy Simon pointed and laughed his little head off. He was admonished, but man, he and I have some things in common.
I LAUGH AT OTHER PEOPLE’S EXPENSE.
Growing up my dad was always a little hard of hearing (from shooting guns and listening to music with the side of his head pressed against the speaker.) Anytime he wouldn’t hear what one of us was trying to say, someone would shout out “snakes!” It killed me every time. (It was all because of a deaf great uncle who did this…..)
What kind of person am I to laugh at my own dear hard-of-hearing father??
And heaven forbid someone actually hit the floor. How do you not laugh at that? How???
When I worked a day-job at the furniture store, there was an upper level. There were stairs. And there was the sweetest little Texas girl you can imagine that worked that area. On busy days we wouldn’t see her at all. But one day, as we all stood around the front counter, she appeared at the top of the stairs……
She was a busty girl with a thick drawl….
…and in the blink of an eye she was careening across the floor on her bosoms.
How do you not laugh at that? How??? She even ended up under a dining table!!! The horror of trying to stifle it!!!!
I didn’t, of course.
(She was fine, by the way. Didn’t even phase her.)
I can’t play the game MADGAB. You know, the one where you hold up a card and the other player has to sound out the words they see until they figure out the “real” phrase. We played it with our best friends in Chicago. The guy’s name was Captain America. He was real quiet and mega-buff. You had to take the guy seriously.
But then I got stuck holding up a card for him to read. He had to say this out loud.
But because I was the one holding the answer, things looked a little different through my warped lens.
How am I supposed to compose myself in the face of that?
In high school I came across a geodesic dome constructed out of heavy duty cardboard. I taped it to my ceiling over the light fixture (of course).
My best friend Maggie was over. She was a reserved, preppy kind of girl (I’m drawn to people who are less…..weird than me)….(or more weird. One or the other. Nothing in between. Nobody “equal” in weirdness.)
She was sitting on a chair in the very center of my room eating runts.
….when suddenly, after two years of being taped to the ceiling, the geodesic dome decides its time to fall off.
She had NO IDEA what was going on. She thought my brother had snuck into the room and hit her over the head with something. Like a jousting stick.
Thankfully she came around and we clenched in silent fits while multi-colored Runt-drool fell out of our faces.
I love misspoken words. I love bad typos. I need to take sensitivity classes. Or “stifle it” classes……