Artsy Things 
30 Comments AND YOU WILL KNOW ME BY MY TRAIL OF SHEER TALENT!!!!
I hate it when people ask me if I’m an artist.
You know, in real life. Its fine on the internet when I don’t have to look the person in the eye and be all…
It feels so arrogant. Sure, I can brag all I want online….while I’m sitting in cut-off shorts and fuzzy house boots and no make-up and my scarf.
But it is way different when I have to say things out loud.
I majored in Studio Art in college.
For 52 days….
There were a lot of reasons I couldn’t take it. For starters, I didn’t want to be there. I am NOT a good school person. I loathed my classmates classes.
EEEEVERYBODY was an “Artist”.
Way too lazy to correct that spelling. Maybe that’s why I didn’t make it….
It was so hard to have a serious discussion with someone about their passions when their work blew chunks. I know, I know, its all subjective. (Or is it objective…..? Another reason I didn’t make it….)
They drove me nuts, bottom line.
And I’m vaguely anti-social anyway…..
Sorry had to throw that original Jesus in there….
There were other contributing factors to my crash and burn.
I didn’t have a car and my home was across town so I was at the mercy of whoever could give me a ride.
There were days when I waited for hours….
HOURS, PEOPLE!
I also had a stressful job working at a plasma donation center. I had to prick fingers and spin blood and REMEMBER NUMBERS. And it never failed that some big homeless guy who smelled like toe-cheese would come up to the counter with his nasty bottle of peach plasma and as I was about to give him some money he’d barf and pass out and I’d have to dive over the counter to catch him.
But, really, those are all excuses. There were other major reasons why I didn’t do very well….
What was I talking about?
Oh yeah, the “Artist” thing.
So I went to Hobby Lobby to get a couple of paintings framed. I really hate taking my paintings out in public. I feel all dramatic.
And when I make eye contact with someone who was just staring at my work, I feel all…
I KNOW that’s what they think I’m thinking.
And there are always lurkers. Not necessarily impressed, just nosy.
And then comes the real confrontation. Yesterday, it came in the form of a 20-something girl.
I could feel her breathing on my painting.
And then of course she had to say words at me.
And I had to give her a pompous, smug answer.
But it wasn’t enough.
Um… no? Maybe? Sometimes? What do you mean by that?
WHY MUST I STATE MY INTENTIONS ON THIS EARTH TO YOU STRANGE WOMAN?!?!?!?
Sorry, I suddenly got unusually bored with this particular post.
Better.
I love seeing your feelings in pictures. For real you worked at a plasma center? –girl, wow.
Yes! I hated every nano-second of it! That job was the exact opposite of me.
I love when you got all Matrix on that douche. You should do a series of Pretentious Moments in History where you show someone like Justin Beiber discussing the social relevance of his work and then you float in and… FTHWAP!
** LIKE **
That would be awesome! Especially if it was actual video footage. Cause I do that junk ALL. THE. TIME.
That would be awesome! Especially if it was live action footage. Because I do that junk ALL. THE. TIME.
I wonder if I should post that comment one more time. For effect.
Dear Arteest, can so relate… Work in Communications and my father in law’s comment; “say something, Mascha, after all YOU studied Communications”. In random situations. The pressure! BTW, love your drawings and loved the one painting you showed us (the one you gave away). Please show us more!
I will! Soon! I did post the portrait picture at some point last week
That was a pretty impressive collection of tangents and rabbit trails. The details were pretty interesting–like playing a pop-culture seek and find puzzle. Just the kind of thing my mind needs at the end of the day.
Yeah but can you translate it into Japanese yet?
You went to a craft store for a frame for your masterpiece? You should go to a real framer. I wouldn’t trust a craft store with anything you’ve created.
Just say’n.
A-they had to custom order it and it rocks.
B- I’m a starving arteest!
You are awesome.
THANK YOU! You are awesome for saying so.
Hahahaha!! I almost snorted coffee through my nose when I saw your inclusion of the ‘updated’ fresco. What was she thinking??
My husband will jump through fiery verbal hoops to avoid telling people he’s a photographer. He thinks it sounds douche-y.
I can relate. If only I was capable of jumping through fiery verbal hoops. When people ask me these things I usually stare at my husband as if he answers questions for me.
If you just start wearing that beret whenever you go out, it’ll be self-evident and you won’t have to field the awkward questions.
That is SUCH a fantastic idea. If only I could find one that would fit on my enormous gourd.
I really enjoyed that you included the monkey-faced Jesus painting as well.
Just a note, I finally was able to get your blog to show up in my reading list on blogger by routing it through google reader. I know this was probably obvious to everybody else but I can’t begin to tell you how incredibly techy, finally making this happen, makes me feel. Also, it’s pretty awesome that I no longer have to rely on twitter to know when you have a new post up. This is all very important because I love coming here. Nice post, thanks.
Thanks ken! Sorry I have issues with my feed and I don’t know why!!!!
I’m an ARTEEEEST, not a Internet genius. I’m so glad you got it to work!
So… I worked in the framing department at Hobby Lobby at one point in my life… People would say, “I need zeese drawink framed!” all dramatically, and I would help them choose a mat color or two.
I had to very very very very strongly urge myself to not see anything other than color when I did this job, lest I let the “Yech” face surface. You want to hang THAT on your wall?
Unfortunately, it means that even though I focus on paintings almost painfully, I won’t look at them unless they are hanging up. It’s like that pretend nonchalance when you spot a celebrity or something. My feigned hipster art indifference.
Oh that is genius!
Too bad that Hobby Lobby wasn’t populated entirely by you. That would have been much more relaxing for me.
This made my night. I’m so in love with your blog, I’d almost approach people on the street to turn them on to your wit and talent. But then I get approached way too often by random crazy people so that I now fear the general public. I will find other ways to spread the Gospel According to Creative Devolution. It is my mission in life.
You ARE an artist. Arteest. I should know, I have the beautiful proof hanging on my wall. Sometimes people ask me if I painted it. And then I briefly consider saying yes, before deciding that would be unethical.
Um, I freaking loved this. Totally that internal battle that comes out of sharing your own work with people. I am NOT an artist or AM I? Who the F knows, but it’s like this moment of proud embarrassment and nervousness for approval or something. I do not like it.
I love the lurker…
My question was why the heck the eye patch, because I assumed Karate Kid, but I read the comments and I see this is Matrix. I really gotta get outta the 80s man.
I dropped out of film school and earlier my creative writing major for the same reason – bunch of douchebags talking about how amazing they were, when they sucked. Of course they probably made lots of money too, the shits.
But at least I didn’t have to listen to them. You are an artist. Next time someone asks say “no. I am THE artist.”
I love when I find something that makes my day… And this Violet, made my day! What a gifted Arteest you are! I hope I can be techy enough to figure out how to get a dose of you on a daily basis!
I love it when you find the PERFECT photo to compliment a blog. And let me just say…that photo of Bret Michaels capped it off for me. I snorted in my soup.
umm.. i know it’s a different post but could you tell us the story about how you left your bags on a curb in Jo’burg? that’s really gotta be a tale worth telling.
you could let your husband answer for you in terms of the “are you an arteesta,” you know – you art types are notoriously shy and inarticulate, aren’t you? of course, anyone who reads this blog knows that shy, maybe, but inarticulate? mmm…nope.