Archive from March, 2013
Mar 27, 2013 - Poop and/or Barf    19 Comments

I’m ’bout to Bust a Cap!

Excuse me while I rant.  This isn’t just a rant, this is a Rantasaurus Rex.

 

 

I’ve been taking my kids to the same Children’s Medical place since we arrived in the States.  I REALLY like the doctors.  But the nurses are horrid.  Last year I took Siggy in for one illness or another.  He was going through a little panic-phase so I wasn’t super-stoked about taking him in.  But he had a fever and bla bla bla.

So we got The Nurse.  She is young.  Under 25.  And you could tell by looking at her face that she loathed having to deal with children.

Dude, I get it!   I don’t like kids either.  AND THAT’S WHY I’M NOT A NURSE IN A PEDIATRICIANS OFFICE.

 

 

 

It was cold in there and Siggy was already a little shaky. I knew by the time we got to the scale, that he was going to lose it if I tried to put him down.

 

 

She wanted to bludgeon me with her clip-board.

 

 

 

 

It wasn’t so much that she was all about procedure, she was just going to show this little brat that he needed to grow up right then and there.

And so she clamped down on him and forced him to sit on that scale.

 

I was shocked at the sheer anger on her face.  It would have been different if she was some old squishy granny nurse who was all…

 

But she wasn’t.  She was physically taking out her frustrations on a kid.

Aaaaaand then he started flipping out…..

 

…which led to the yakking…..

 

 

You have never seen a nurse angrier than she was right then.

 

But she wasn’t nearly as angry as I was….

 

 

So then yesterday Siegfried woke up with a fever and lots of crying. I got him in to the doctor as soon as I could.  Took him in his jammies with a big fat blanky.

He did a lot of squirming….

 

Which is not a good sign if you’re hoping to avoid barf.

Anyway, they called us back and we sat in the tiny waiting room.

 

And sure enough, during the 47 million years that we had to wait, Siggy puked.

All. Over. The. Place.

 

I finally got him to the trash can and then set him up against the wall while I went all nuts with the paper-towels. Scrubbed everything down.

 

And finally the doctor came in, figured out his problem, etc etc.  She saw his nasty blanky on the floor, drenched in yak, and said she would have the nurse bring me a trash bag to carry it out in.

We waited for another 47 million years and the new nurse finally showed up with a tiny little doggy-poop bag.

 

She left again, and when Siggy finally turned 5 she came back. With nothing.

 

Her passive-aggressive apathy was enough to make me break out in hives.

Really girlfriend?  You made it through nursing school but you can’t figure out how to acquire a trash bag in an office that produces an awful lot of waste?

 

 

UNBELIEVABLE!!!

I AM A MAJICAL BEAST… FAIRY….UNIBEASTICORN FAIRY….

I don’t know why I don’t talk about my work that much on here.  I’ve shown a few pics of the boutiques I do display for.  Such cute stores!

Its just that I work late at night or early in the morning, when they’re closed.  There is some overlap though, and the employees know me as the ragged girl who hangs things on their walls and makes them all slightly uncomfortable.

 

And, well, I’m okay with that.

I worked on Thursday night this week.  It was HOT. And I was so tired and slightly hormonal.So I ripped that place to shreds.  Moved stuff around. Hung things.  Wielded my magical powers.

 

And then entire time I worked, I had an audience.  There is an ice-cream parlor next door so I get a lot of Looky-Lou’s.  A kid’s b-day party.  An old couple.  A bunch of obnoxious 14-year-old boys.  But sometimes I have the Silent Starers…..

 

And they get under Our skin until We start talking to Ourselves,  my precious…….

I had this group on Thursday while I was trying to hang a large dusty shutter in a precarious place….

ta-da!

 

At some point I’d finally had enough! I was all….

 

And I marched over and grabbed me one of these bad boys.

They are INFLATABLE! How much awesomeness is that?!?!

 

I was ready to stick it to the man!

 

Read it and weep, people. Read it and weep.

 

 

 

 

 

……ok, so really I just wore it all night because I thought it would be fun, but then 3 hours into work it started making my head all sweaty because I was working under some chandeliers….

 

But a group of teenage boys DID tell me that it was awesome… which is a good indication that I’m doing something WRONG with my life.

 

On Friday, my mother-in-law, Honey, came over and let me hide in the bedroom and start a new painting.  YAY FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And so I did….

 

And then later Cathy texted me to tell me she was going to Fredericksburg and I’m glommed onto her.

 

And so we went and had dinner with sweet Rose and then they watched a movie in Rose’s room and I set up my paints.

 

And then the next morning they went and got breakfast burritos and I stayed home and dug around in the china cabinet until I found a receptacle (HOLY COW I JUST GOT MY SPELL CHECK TO WORK) that was an acceptable size for the amount of coffee I wished to consume.

and I found this GREAT bowl…..

And then we stuffed burritos in our face.

Anything else you want to know?

Mar 19, 2013 - Random Thoughts    35 Comments

What, you don’t like to chow on dog fecal matter?

So, the good news is that I FINALLY got my ipad fixed.  Yay!

The bad news is that the boys have their grubby paws all over it now.  Not for long…..

It was so fun to sit down today to a clear, smooth screen.  I thought I’d give my cartoon self a little freshening-up too.

You know, a new do.  A new t-shirt.  Now that my hair is so much longer, I feel like I should more accurately represent myself in art form.

Sexytown: Population- Me

 

Ok, well, actually that more accurately represents my mental self…..

(Mental being the key word….)

 

Here we go.  A new hairstyle.  A new t-shirt….

 

Or maybe the “I’ve Given Up On Life” style…..

 

Or the “Yes I’m 38 years old. Why?” style…..

 

But I’m not sure.  I’ll have to think about it…..

Today I got a wild hair and started dismantling our house.  Pulled junk out of closets, ripped sheets off beds, etc.  I learned that toddlers will go all grape-nuts if you make a pile of something or move a large piece of furniture.  Today I took the slipcover off the sofa to wash it and I scooted the sofa into the dining area.  You would have thought I set up a trampoline and a swimming pool right in the middle of our house.  The boys went bananas.

 

And for a while, I could shred my bedroom closets in peace.

But then my name started coming up…..

 

And eventually my constant intervention was required….

 

And I had to leave my path of destruction where it was in order to seperate two immature humans.

 

In other news…. Siggy’s speech impediment…..

Everything “Y” or “S” related starts with an “L”.

Yummy = Lummy

Soup = Loup

Shirt = Lirt

So the other day we got a big hunk of fudge at some crazy fudge place.  We sat outside and I tore off a wad and handed it to Siegfried.

 

Ummmmmm……… what?

 

Duh.

 

What the… ?!

 

 

*bing*

 

whew!

 

We need to work on that……

Mar 14, 2013 - Artsy Things    47 Comments

Creating This Blog Post Made Me Nauseous

And its not even a REAL blog post.

It was going to be.  I was going to tell you all about how I’ve been a busy little bee.

But I can’t even THINK THE WORDS busy little bee, without this picture of Juaquin Phoenix (I’m dying a slow death without my spellcheck…) popping up in my head.

From Gladiator: “You’ve been a busy little bee.”

 

And that movie distracted me for a minute….

 

And then I started drawing a picture of a bee that my husband designed many many years ago…..

 

…and literally 5 minutes later, I was ready to blow chunks.

We were in the car driving through the Texas Hill Country.  Now I normally don’t get motion sickness (although I can’t watch home movies without losing my lunch).   I had to walk out of The Constant Gardener because I thought I was going to die. (So needless to say I haven’t seen The Blair Witch Project). But I’m usually FINE in the car…as long as I’m not trying to draw…?

Anyway, I’ll just give you the cliff notes of what I’ve been doing lately.

Uhhhhhhh…….What have I been doing?

Well we DID just drive back from San Angelo, Texas.  Met some family there and had a grand 24 hours.  I have to say though, that driving in the car with two little kids isn’t NEARLY as enjoyable as driving all by myself forever and ever.

On Sunday I drove into Georgetown, which is right outside Austin (about 2 hours from here).  I drove all by myself and it was HEAVEN.

There is a photographer there who agreed to photograph my paintings.  Her name is Kelly Cameron and I was excited to meet her.  Aside from being a creative person, she is also an actress.  And I like the intense, fast-talkers.  I enjoy being around a person who can really act things out.  And boy did she not dissapoint.  I had more fun watching her talk….

Wow. Horrific depiction. I lost my stylus and my back-up just doesn’t quite cut it. Lets see if I can wrassle up a real picture….

 

Here we go.  This one is better….

Go see her web-site here.  She is awesome!

Anyway, she photographed my stuff (for future print and website use!) and then took a few “artist bio” pics of me that I wish I had worn “funner” clothes for!!

Here are two (behold the gray hairs!).  Which one should I use???

 

 

I Talk About Boobs and Pot

Sometimes The Dark Knight is all…

 

And I’m like…

 

How do you REMEMBER that far back??

I partially blame my lack of childhood memories on the homeschool.  I have no idea how old I was in 4th grade.  I don’t remember turning 8. Nothing ever changed.  No new teacher. No new friends.  Nada.  There were no major landmarks in there (which can be a good thing sometimes…).

I do have a few stand-out memories.  Like the first time I saw boobs on TV.

We were only allowed to watch one show:

 

Sesame Street.

Occasionally Mr. Rogers or Reading Rainbow.  But  “adult”  TV started right after Reading Rainbow, and as soon as my mom heard the I Dream of Jeannie intro music, there she was, hitting the off-switch.  I still haven’t seen an episode of I Dream of Jeannie, but I can only assume its filled with fornication and genocide.

One evening, my father rented a movie.  Because it had boobs in it, I even remember the name: They Call Me Bruce (as in Bruce Lee).

So there we were, watching a Kung Fu comedy.  Me, my brother, and my dad.  Quite suddenly and unexpectedly, two things happened at once.

1- Boobs appeared on the screen

2- My mom walked around the corner.

 

I remember the movie.

I remember the boobs.

I remember the looks on everyones faces.

 

But I remember very little else .

And even though there are more memories from my teenage years, some really crucial information is missing.  Big, memorable events have been wiped from my brain.

My sister experiences this phenomenon every time I see her.

 

But that issue is at least 75% environmental.

Its because of The Pot Years.

Most people have a couple of wild years in there.  I wasn’t a “partier”.  Never drank.  I just smoked the pot.  Which obliterated my remaining ability to retain memories.  And wasted my time.  I spent the better part of five years digging through my purse…. I think…..

 

If you’ve ever searched for anything while high, you know.

I would plunge my arm into the depths of my purse…..

 

….and I would dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig….

 

 

…and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig…

 

…and dig and dig and dig and dig and dig…. and then realize I not only had NO IDEA what I was digging for or how long I’d been digging.  Had it been more than 20 minutes?

 

I’d stare hard into my bag, trying to figure out what it was I was looking for.

What did I want?

Why was I here?

How long had I been staring into my purse?

All I was doing was groping various objects in my bag with no plan or purpose.

 

And, well, that was just fine.

 

But soon enough I realized that I was losing my mind, literally, and so I grew up.  You know, pretty much…..

Now, 17 years later, my only brain-eaters are my children.

And my mind is in worse shape than it ever was before.

Lord help me.

 

PS- still no working spellcheck.

Why?

Why?

Why?

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