Archive from February, 2013

All the People I’ve Barely Known

So there is this middle-aged man in our complex who is afflicted with an (unfortunately) obvious case of OCD.

And not OCD like, “I wash my hands ten times a day, teehee.”

This guy will set his car alarm all the way to his apartment, often coming back out and setting it five or six more times.  When he leaves the house, he usually pulls out of his spot (DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OUR PLACE) and then pulls over, puts his hazzards on and goes to check his front door.  Then he’ll drive out the gate, make an immediate u-turn and be back inside checking the door again.  Siggy’s constant question is, “Why he do dat?”

Truth is he FASCINATES me. If I could ask him 47 million questions, I would.  But I can’t, really.

There was a guy in Chicago that I called Yelly Guy (because I’m a genius with descriptive names…). We lived above the Dominos pizza on a massively busy intersection and this guy would shop at the Jewel across the street several times a week.  The first time I heard him I had the windows open, but in later years I discovered that I could hear him in the middle of rush hour traffic with the windows shut and barred.

I was schilling out on the sofa when suddenly…

 

I was like, What the?”  I ran to look and there he was.  Yelly Guy.  Groceries in his hands, a pipe clenched firmly in his mouth.

Tourettes.

I bet that yell rattled his teeth.  Broke my heart.  Any time I heard him yelling I went to look and watch.  I always wished I could meet him and ask him all about himself.  Until one day….

He was walking down the sidewalk and two college girls had just passed him when out of nowhere….

 

 

Those two girls screamed the kind of screams that I’m SURE included pants-wetting.

 

I mean, you hear that kind of noise on a city street right behind you and suddenly you’re weeping for all the missed opportunities in your life and begging for a painless, non-humiliating death.

But Yelly Guy was an Angry Yelly Guy. He totally ripped into them.

 

 

After that my sense of self-preservation voted against engaging Yelly Guy in a conversation (although even the violent cursing could have been part of the disease….).

I’ve worked with some fairly interesting people over the years as well.  One of the most fascinating was Cowboy.  And yes, that was his name and no I have not changed it.

I was a BBQ-slinging, cocktail waitress for a few years in a blues joint.  Cowboy was a cook and the MOST HELPFUL bus-person I have ever had the pleaseure to know.

He also had the style down.

 

He never once in all his time there deviated from that outfit.

The kitchen closed at midnight, but he would stay afterwards and bus the tables while we ran around enabling the drunkards.  Cowboy liked to move fast.  And when he did, his life-time supply of keys would rattle like nobody’s business.

 

In fact, as the night wore on he’d get more wound up and he’d litterally RUN through the restaurant with a tub full of cups and a cigarette hanging out of his mouth.  All the frat-daddys would laugh at him (on lame Frat-daddy music night).  I wanted to punch them in their hairless necks.

But I learned early on that it was best for a 21-year-old woman not to ask too many personal questions of an older…. quirky man.  I just had to wonder……..

Later on I worked for a man named Kenneth (name changed to protect… whoever).  He was funny and creative and hardworking.  I helped him open his flower shop.

 

A few months later, another man, also named Kenneth, opened a store RIGHT NEXT DOOR.

 

They were like the angel/demon shoulder-sitters of the gay world.  Such a bizarre coincidence…

 

The Dark Kenneth HATED me!  HATED AND LOATHED!  And of course I didn’t know this because I’d never met him.  I would see him walking jauntily by the window on occassion.  But then a shop owner told me that he was saying all this nasty stuff about me and I was like, “What the??”

I don’t do drama, so I really didn’t care what this guy had to say because HE WORE CAT-EYE CONTACT LENSES.

One evening, the block was having a sidewalk sale/party and I was working for a friend in a clothing boutique.  Suddenly, Dark Kenneth comes marching in there, drunk as a skunk, and starts wailing an apology.

 

Now THAT was interesting.  But then he ran out sobbing before I had a chance to ask him what his mother was like……

 

In art news, I just finished a very manly painting.

A tad different than my usual fare.

It was for my brother-in-law for his birthday (speaking of interesting people).  I’m allowed to talk about him now that I know he reads this.

Many many years ago he was all….

 

And BOOM! It happened.  He married a great girl, got hired on in a church and man they pumped out some babies!

5!!!

 

5 babies in 7 years! And she can still wear a bikini!!!

 

 

15 years later, he suddenly decided that he was tired of being out of shape and sedentary and so he started eating right and working out and now all of a sudden he’s become really great at boxing.

 

And so he goes around the neighborhood trying to pick fights with the neighbors but they all decline.  You’d think people would be lining up to punch a pastor. But no.  They’re just scared.

I’m also working on this painting.  Its huge.

Not done with it yet.  I’ll show you when I am, intertesting people.

I know you’re out there…..

 

PS- Spell check is no longer working on my blog and so we’ll all have to take what we can get in the “accuracy” department.  “Accuracey”?…..

 

Oil of Olay Makes Me Feel Special and Also This Post Has No Point.

So I have this lotion that I only use when I’m in a bad funk.  Its for my face.   I love it to a degree that is almost sick.

They should hire me.

 

I love to wear it on my skins.

 

It gives me them special feelings.

 

But most importantly, I like to smell it real hard.

 

Right before we left for Africa, Cathy gave me  a bottle of it.  I didn’t use it until we moved into our horse patty in Noordhoek.   And then I didn’t use it again until just a few months ago.  I have specifically avoided purchasing it because its expensive, and I know how intensly I associate smells with memory.    I didn’t want to wear it out.

But I broke down and bought a bottle of it, and now I bust it open on funkytown days.  Its like Noorhoek is slapping me in the nostrils.

These are some of the pictures we took while we lived there.

 

It was so green and so ridiculously beautiful.  I’d always hoped to visit a paradise but I never thought we’d live in one.

The light was a different color there.

 

And the rainbows were INSANE!!!

 

 

Almost as insane as our landlady…..

 

…who would text us if she saw our car was gone.

This was the most popular text…

 

 

Man I did a lot of walking there….

 

We didn’t have an internet connection while we lived there.  It really was a horse village.  Not of lot of high-tech anything.  But we discovered a stump in the very front of the property and if you sat on it just right, you could piggy-back onto the neighbors wifi.

 

For those of you who followed my Africa blog, you know the log of which I speak.

The only problem was the roosters.  Who knew they hung out in gangs?  There were 9 of them and they all looked exactly alike and they never wandered from each other.  And when they saw me sitting on the log, they’d all come trotting over in their aqua rooster-pants.

And….well, thats all I have to say.

Good night to you.

Feb 15, 2013 - Artsy Things    23 Comments

I AM THE QUEEN OF THE UNIVERSE (in short bursts)

So last night I was lifting weights. Hard.  I’d had one of those days weeks. I was blasting some music that I will not name because I refuse to name my music.  It was great.

 

Suddenly I was hit with a mania of sorts. I’m not sure if it is hormone related, but based on my hot, flashy temper this week, I’d say yes.

 

 

Whereas before I worked out I was feeling a little…

 

 

…afterwards I was all…

 

And I also decided that if I didn’t start the two paintings that had simultaneously popped into my head, like, RIGHT THIS MINUTE, I would die.

And so I got a grip on myself and casually asked The Dark Knight if I could run over to the art store BEFORE the kids went down.

 

Maybe he could see the Crazy in my eyes, but he said yes.

So I got there 10 minutes before they closed and I hauled butt.

 

And then I came home and painted for 4 hours straight.  I did a little more today and Siggy caught me taking a breather (during his quiet time on the chair).

You can tell how grimy his fingers are by the foggy lens.  Great.

 

Anyway, aside from all that action, I wrote out all the names of people who commented on the giveaway blog and I let Siggy draw.

He takes it very seriously.

 

Yay Faith!  Congrats!

UPDATE- Hi Faith, I tried emailing you but it was sent back.  If you will, contact me via my contact button so I can get your shipping info. Thank you!

Feb 11, 2013 - Artsy Things    25 Comments

ETERNITY! TAKE IT! IT IS YOURS!

Actually, its “Immortality! Take it! It is yours!”

 

Brad Pitt really gets all the great scripts.  But its lines like that one that he just can’t pull off for one simple reason: his voice (ok and maybe his acting skills…).  He does not have an actors voice.  It literally makes me cringe.  My favorite thing to do is to shout that line in a horrific English accent (because apparently Achilles was of British decent) when it WAY overstates the situation.

So by “ETERNITY”, I mean “This print I just did…”

Take it, it is yours.

This one came in a batch I got in today and I’m not happy with the colors. Its cool, but I wont sell it.  So if anyone is keen on having it, just leave a comment and I’ll have a random drawing.

*photo by Siggy

 

I don’t even have the brain cells to draw today.  I’m busy destroying things which I have created. Namely, this tree…

 

I decided I hated the foliage and so after hours and hours and hours of work, I ripped it all off with scissors and pliers.

Siggy took this one too. Its an action shot.

 

Ok I’ll draw a quickie.  Behold, the shredding…

 

Really I just finished papering my second tree and it came out so much nicer.

 

I realized I could do better…..

 

Ok, leave a comment and I’ll announce the winner on Friday. You have till then!

Its Time for Some Friday Angst

Friday seems to be a slow blogging day, so if I’m going to air my grievances, this is a great day to do it.

I don’t have any greivances.  I’m just angsty in general.

Its usually art angst.  I’m starting to wonder if I don’t have some compulsive tendancies when it comes to making the artsy stuff.

Right now I’m building bonsai trees.  The first one doesn’t look at all bonsai-ish, but it was a birthday present for Cathy, so its more like her stuff.

Lovely, grainy, dark phone shot.  Don’t you just love all the crap in the background?  The saw? The paint cup? The glue? The tape? The thread?

Ug.

The next two are looking a little more tree-ish.

I start by mixing cement.

 

Then I pour it and insert the form I’ve created.  Rods, wires etc.

 

Then I paper mache it….

And right now I’m painting it.

The thing weighs about 15 pounds even though its small.  Wish I could just make 1 and be happy.  No, I’m going to make 20.

In other news I have 2 new paintings on etsy.

Springtime on the mountain….

 

And Baby….

 

I guess my art angst comes in at the end of the day.

After a long day with the boys…avoiding chores….

 

…feeling old and tired on the bench while Siggy uses my phone to take 27 portraits of me…..

 

…I just want to lay on the floor and drool.

Or draw.  Because that requires zero supplies and no mess to clean up and I can do it in bed and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz………….

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