We’ve had a rough week around here. And because of that, this post will include more words than pictures. Something I try to avoid. I get into less trouble that way….
I always hem and haw anytime something real happens. Do I write about it? Do I just skip on over it? I guess if it concerns me and it wont hurt anyone else, I can talk about it if I want to. I like talking to this blog. Its a form of processing. I used to plan out my blogs, but I haven’t done that in a long long time. Sometimes its more fun to just let it fall out of my head.
So I had a miscarriage this week.
Taking a positive pregnancy test was a much bigger shock than the loss was. When its such a huge surprise, you almost expect it to go wrong. So, I did some crying and I did some alone time. The usual stuff. But like I told The Dark Knight, in some ways, pregnancy is like a death sentence in that “Heather, you only have 2 months to function as a human being before you’re walking on crutches and sleeping in a recliner.”
And thats about what my pregnancies look like. So after I did the crying, the other side of my brain was suddenly totally ready to weed out our entire house and clean up all the messes that just about throw me over the edge when preggers. But then Siggy started writhing in his blanket on the floor.
I sat there and watched him. Wondering what on earth he was doing.
And then boom.
And then at a later time, Boy was sitting on the bed in silence….
When suddenly he announced…
And of course later on that night I was doing my thing….
And as some of you might remember, I pass out when I throw up. It is so very fetching.
At one point I woke up with my cheek smashed up against the baseboard between the toilet and the cabinet wall. I was having some sort of dream that involved a vague figure trying his darndest to explain to me the intricacies of that jump-heel-kick thing.
And I wasn’t listening to him at all. I was going at it based solely on my own knowledge and strength.
Then I woke up and it took me close to 5 seconds to figure out where I was. Coming out of that unconsciousness is like pulling gum off the bottom of your shoe. It doesn’t want to let go.
And then of course The Dark Knight was all….
And let me tell you what. Our little house is too stinking small for so much illness.
But there was one day in there when I wasn’t violently hurling, and I had a few hours to watch some TV.
Something I haven’t done in almost 2 years. (Ok it was netflix).
I started watching Mad Men.
I couldn’t believe how perfect everything was. Its like, anytime someone walked in the door they actually had a clean surface to put their keys on.
All the women in the grocery store were well-coiffed and wearing dresses. Even the “single mother”.
Everyone drank and smoked and looked perfect and beautiful while doing it. It was amazing.
And it made me want to clean my house and buy a dress….and take up smoking?……and always act like everything was just lovely????
Na. I’m a mess this week and so willing to admit it. Next week, I’ll be much, much better.
Thank you for listening, blogworld.