Archive from May, 2012

Humpty Dumpty vs All My Angry Birds

I’ve had bloggers block lately.  It would be one thing if my life was fascinating on a daily basis.  But I haven’t been able to think straight thoughts for a few weeks now.

I blame it on Siegfried.  

 

Its not that he is more intense than Boy….. wait……yes.  That!

He is more intense than Carrot Top.

And for two weeks now he’s been OBSESSED with Humpty Dumpty!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Where did that come from?  And WHY?

He used to be scared of the story and now he can’t think of anything else.

 

Actually, singing the Humpty Dumpty song is the only “Humpy Dumpy” activity I enjoy.  And I basically sing it all day long.  And people dance.

 

All the other Humpy Dumpy games are Zzzzzzzzz.

It started with Siegfried inserting himself into the roll of Humpy.

 

And then suddenly everything was Humpy Dumpy.

 

I hear the words Humpy Dumpy more than any other words in the English language.

 

So you know what, Humpy Dumpy?

 

You can kiss my grits.

 

I have no brain because of you and your ridiculous “wall-sitting”.

 

Spaz….

May 28, 2012 - Artsy Things    11 Comments

PS

Since that last post wasn’t a “real” post…..lets play Guess That Movie!

Here I’ve staged a reenactment  of a scene from a movie (with odds and ends I had laying around the house….).

I’ve quoted it in “my own words” so you can’t just Google it.  You Googlers!

Is it obvious or hard?

Guess the movie!

Somebody get me a truck!

So the past two days I’ve been up on a ladder drilling screws into a barn wall.

This barn, to be exact.

 

Bless Your Heart is moving into the barn and I helped.

I hung a hundred of these signs.

And when I say “100”, I mean “47 million”.

 

All that time on the ladder got me to thinking about the strange things I’ve done for work over the years.  I’ve mentioned before that I couldn’t even handle 52 days of college.  I am not a school girl.  I am a give-me-a-drill-or-some-paint-or-some-origami paper-or-a tree limb kind of girl.  (Occasionaly I’m a get-a-wild-hair-and-sew-50-hearts-to-hang-from-the-ceiling kind of girl….)

 

Last year these big jerk-wads chopped down the forest behind my in-laws’ house and so I grabbed a few trees (sawed them in half and drug them out to the road) and took them into work.

Ok, this tree might look all nice and dainty but it went way way up to the ceiling and I had to toss a rope over the metal beams and hoist the darn thing just to get it upright.

 

It took me FOREVER because the tree was so huge and I am such a wuss.  Plus there were like 10 people with their faces smashed against the glass just staring at me.  Give me some space, people!

 

And that’s not the first time I’ve hauled trees into work.  In Chicago, I hauled all kinds of weird stuff , and it was 1000 times more awkward because I didn’t have a car.

But in the city, no one cares if you’re walking a mile down the road with 6 giant metal birds.  Or a canvas.  Canvas + Windy City = Aaaarrrrgggg!!!!!

 

I walked a mile to work with these things.

A MILE, people!

 

But then we moved to the suburbs.  I wore my mopey-pants the whole way.

Bye-bye big city.

 

We moved to a small town and I worked for several  boutiques.  They were right across the railroad tracks.  I HAD to walk.

And every stinking time I had an awkward load, I got stuck behind a train while all the bored motorists stared at the lady with the tree and the trash bag full of origami birds because there was nothing better to do.

 

Sometimes I had a bunch of frilly stuff. Felt so out-of-character….

 

Or sometimes it was like negative 20 degrees outside and I’m standing on the side of the road with three paint cans and a broom.  

 

I just like to change things, you know? And sometimes I have to bring my own tools.

I worked for a place called tiddlywinks & scallywags.  I HATED answering the phone.

 

I did a lot of painting on dressing-room walls there….

..and everything else.

 

Sometimes I’d even wander over there at 11 at night just to paint the outside steps.  

 

Really, a lot of what I do has involved standing around at midnight and wondering how on earth I’m going to fix the mess I just made….

 

But today, it was the barn.  

 

My boys all came out to see me and The Dark Knight took this picture.

Behold the outfit that inspired my blog.  

Its a hand-me-down from Phone-a-friend’s 20-year-old daughter (wow, that’s a lot of hyphens for one sentence).

But also, I’d like to use this photo as an opportunity to introduce myself.  I pen the blog under the name Violet, but y’all know its not my real name.

Hi, I’m Heather.  This is my blog.  Thanks for reading it.

I miss Chicago. And the Cookies I polished off 2 hours ago.

I walked outside today and it was all…

 

Summer in San Antonio it THE WORST.  I hate it.  I dread it like I used to dread the winter in Chicago.  But at least winter was INTERESTING.

(I found this old photo laying around)

 

There is nothing interesting about melting your face off.

Really, if I were a millionaire (wow. Don’t even know how to spell that word), I would have a winter house here and a summer house there.

May is the best time to live downtown Chicago.  Its warm for the first time in MONTHS.  The billions of dollars worth of city landscaping is finally making an appearance.  Tulips EVERYWHERE.

I miss it with all my heart.  I don’t miss the homeless problem.  I don’t miss all the spit on the sidewalk…

I’m addicted to this drawing..

 

We made some of our best friends there.  So fun just walking out the door (here’s the view from our window at night)

 

…and having the whole world RIGHT THERE.  Although, one day me and ebirdie and The Fat Marathoner were walking down the street and weird things happened.  Like, weirder than usual….

We lived on Lasalle.  You could see the board of trade way down there at the end of the street.

Alarmingly accurate, I know.

 

So we were walking down a sidewalk with shrubbery.

 

…..when suddenly this massive rat ran out of the bushes.

 

 

I was all…

 

I mean, what kind of rat in its right mind would run out of the bushes in broad daylight??  And the only thing more frightening than a rat, is a rat that finally ate the wrong thing and is now completely “scooters”.

 

But then, this big squirrel ran out directly behind the rat.

 

And I was all…

 

 

And then to my neverending horror, the squirrel tackled the rat, flipped it over and and started biting his stomach!

* Tasmanian Devil Sound Effects

 

 

Ok just one more time!!

 

 

Disgusting!!!!  That thing was like a freaking Honey Badger!

I looked over at buddies and they weren’t noticing the carnage that was etching its way into my psyche along with all that poop I discovered in that gas station bathroom!

The Fat Marathoner was like….

And ebirdie was all….

 

 

And apparently I was the only one on the planet suffering.

 

It was tragic.

Anyway, I was digging through my emails and found a couple pictures of ebirdie and I.

This one was from 2003.  Almost a decade ago.  Neither of us have changed too much.  Except I had bangs!!!!!!!

 

And then here we are on one of my visits back from South Africa.  2008.  Again with the bangs.  I was pregnant in this picture.  For the first time.  And didn’t know it.  

 

But on the 30-hour plane ride home I stayed up watching I Am Legend.  I started doing the ugly cry when his dog died and couldn’t get over it.  I had to turn the movie off and sob into my neck pillow.

And then to make this ending completely random, here is a drawing I did of ebirdie’s daughter.

Sweet, sweet girl…..

THE END!

Take THAT, Logic & Reason (you think you’re so big)!

Update: I played the yeahwrite challenge last week and it was SO FUN.  If you have a blog you should take a look at the contest.  Click here to check out new blogs and vote for your favorites!

What Are We Having For Blog? Leftovers….

I’m amazed that some of you are still here.  You know, those of you who AREN’T my mom and who DON’T have to love me because I’m NOT your oldest child.

I’m so unorganized.

These days I can’t even organize my thoughts.  I never have time to plan out a blog.  The boys go down and I barf up a quick post on the ipad and launch it without even doing a spell-check.  Because if I don’t do it that way, it won’t get done.

At all.

And this little piece of internet it where I express my brains.  Whats left of them.  And tonight, you are getting whats left of them……The leftovers.  And its not even GOOD leftovers.  Its like, leftover meatloaf.

 

We had a hard weekend.  Family stuff.  You know that stuff?  It started out ok.  No, it started out good.  I got up early on Saturday and went into work.  I do some “display” for a boutique here called Bless Your pea-pickin’ Heart.  Its SO stressfull……

I mean look at that! I had to stand on a step-stool to hang those fabric letters.  We’re all real lucky I don’t have high blood pressure.

I’ve been trying to cut down on stress with some fairly heavy-duty workouts .  I went to the gym on Saturday.

Hard. Core.

 

(Actual footage….)

 

And you want to know what we did on Sunday? We went to church.

I have a hard time with church. Mainly because of the social aspect of it.  I’ll never fit in completely and a lot of the music makes me want to rip my eyeballs out (so I don’t have to drive to church).   But I want great things for my kids.  And great things for ME.  So we went to this GREAT church.

They meet in an elementary school.  The pastor brings all the music equipment every sunday in a trailer.  Mics.  Amps.  Bongos.  Perfect.  I’m not good with formality.  A commentor on this blog once commented (on another blog) that he took his kids to a church with a big crucifix (or maybe it was a painting) and his son pointed at Jesus and said, “Dad, look at that crazy guy!”

I have to go to a church where people can chill out.  And laugh. And understand that I’m…..you know.

 

 

But at the same time, I don’t want to go to a church entirely populated by this guy.

 

Or even this guy.

 

I don’t want the church to be all about appearances or duties or forced hipness.  I just want something real.  Real MIXED.

Anyway, afterwards there was a little “class” for new visitors.  There were a few people in there.  About 5 minutes into it, Siegfried (who was eating a snack) was suddenly all… 

 

The Dark Knight ran him and Boy out.

I said, “Sorry. He’s a gagger,” to a room full of people I didn’t know.  And they were TOTALLY COOL WITH IT.

So even though I started the day good (any time I can wear my scarf to church, things is good) , it just went downhill from there.

 

By the end of the day I was a wreck.  We got a bed for Boy off Craigslist and then tried to put it together with a bunch of stripped hardware and no instructions while Siegfried had a major tantrum and Boy did everything in his power to get every single screw thrown into the toy box.

 

This week has started with a sense of defeat for me.  So I am posting these meatloaf leftovers. And then I’m working on 2 paintings.

I started a painting to give to my web-genius as a thank-you for helping me with every little stupid thing on my blog.  And I started liking it so much that now I’m doing another right along with it.  I think I’ll raffle it out right here when it’s done.  $1 a ticket?

Thanks for sticking with me, people.

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