Siegfried is a Piece. Of. Work.  Such an intense little thing.  We’re not overachievers around here so our list of daily activities isn’t elaborate. But somehow, every activity in our house is packed with riveting emotion.  And since he can’t write (How do you even sound things out when you substitute an “L” for half the consonants you use??) I thought I’d document a few of today’s activities for him. In case he wonders what he was doing back in good ‘ole 2012. First there was the morning excitement.

I was standing there watching him.  If it would have been genuine, I would have intervened.  But it seemed more like an “activity”.

After we recovered from the SINGLE PIECE OF FUR, we played outside with Siegfried’s best frenemy, Simon.

They are either having a blast or Seigfried is screaming like a girl while Simon rubs his face in the grass. One or the other. Sometimes its hard to tell which is going on.

Boy likes to chill out on the sidelines.  That’s more his style.

Although he always finds a way to interfere.

And then the rest of the day vacillated  between variations of these two sentiments.

Surely I’m not the only one out there raising an alien (you know, besides Superman’s mom…)…

I am so overwhelmed by this past week that I don’t even know what to draw about.  Its been an emotional roller coaster.  I’ll give you a recap of the highlights and lowlights

(Is that a real term or just a hair term?)

(term….term……why does that sound so weird? Is it a real word?)

(Quit thinking and draw)

(Ok)

When did it all start?  Monday maybe?  It was a rough time for me.  It was an all time low.  Want to know why? Because I woke up and found pop-tarts in the cabinet.

I have never REALLY consumed pop-tarts in the morning.  And on Monday I only ate 1, but man I crammed that thing into my face like nobody’s business.

The feelings of sickness were immediate.  I was shocked by my own nausea.  Stupid iced pastry. Never. Again.

But that morning was followed by a magnificent evening.  It was only a split-second, but as I was driving home from Lynn’s house, the sun was setting.  I saw some palm trees. And a blinky Mexican Food sign.  And then my radio passed a Tejano station. And I felt like I was somewhere else.

And I liked it.

But then the next night I went through a Starbucks drive-through because I really needed to get out for a minute.  And so I ordered my drink and pulled around to get it.

And the nice young man behind the window began to chat.  And you know me. I don’t do “chat”.

And if I do, its nothing but ridiculous nonsense.

And so then he said some things….

And I said some things…..

…and I waited….

….and waited…..

…and waited for my drink.

I even played a game of scrabble on my phone.  And then the guy said something along the lines of….

And I looked down and saw my drink sitting there in my console….

And so, I drove away fast.

But the highlight of my week was that my sister-in-law (of Walgreens-guy fame) decided to get married on Friday.  On a ranch!

And I got my very first ever pair of cowboy boots!  Yeehaw!

But most of my nights (and wee morning hours) this week were spent making slipcovers for 18 bales of hay.

And this chandelier, which hung outside the barn where the reception was held.

It was fun, y’all!.  Yeehaw!

I can’t draw animals. And I can’t draw cars even….worser.  I just can’t do it.  I even got so frustrated with one sketch that I made The Dark Knight do it but he just about had a fit over the stylus and so he drew something on a piece of paper and I tried to copy it.

But what I’m about to tell you has been weighing heavily on my heart this month and I must get it off my chest: Every stinking car I’ve ever owned has been engineered specifically to humiliate me.  Every. Single. One.

It started in 1993.  I didn’t get a car until I was almost 19.  It was a 1974 Bug.

I loved that car. For a little while. But then things began to sour in our relationship.  First of all, the window-roller-uppers wouldn’t stay on. Anytime it started pouring outside and I was driving, I’d have to dig through the piles of trash on my floor looking for the darn thing.

Add that was in no way my fault….

Also, the horn would go off whenever I turned left and after a while it wouldn’t stop until I stopped driving.  It was like Jim Carrey’s “Most annoying noise in the world” from Dumb and Dumber.

Ridiculously obnoxious.

The starter didn’t work so I had to hot-wire it EVERY TIME I GOT IN THE CAR.  And of course the gas gauge never worked so I was constantly running out of gas which was a total bummer because I delivered pizzas.

My second bug also had a gas gauge that didn’t work.  It was a 1974 Bug as well and it belonged to The Dark Knight’s father.  He gave it to me because nobody else would drive it.

I loved it because I like to be the clown o’ the intersection.  Rainy days were bad.  My boss and phone-a-friend once followed me to a house-call and the light turned yellow and so I tried to stop (so they wouldn’t get lost. I’m cool that way.) But my car decided not to stop and instead it just kinda slid out into the intersection, did a few loops and then came to rest against the curb.

The worst part was having to back up and drive away.

This bug had a horn that didn’t work so we mounted a “horn button” on the dashboard.

Funny how when a gigantic suburban backs into you not once, not twice but three times, you cant find the “horn button” to save your life.

But I did get a nice new paint-job out of it.

And there was the Gold Grand Am.  The passenger door didn’t latch and would fly open when we turned. We drove all the way from California to southern Texas with the first 2 gears GONE. I dreaded the stoplight.  And the noise we made starting in 3rd….

We moved downtown Chicago in 2000 and SOLD THE CARS (The grand am for $100)

I didn’t have to own a car for 3 whole years. That make me feel like a freaking feather.

But then we moved out towards the suburbs and had to get a car again. This time, we got a truck and for a short period of time (on days when there was no snow) I was humiliation free.

But then we moved to Africa and sold the awesome car and bought an African Mercedes… Need I say more…?

And, well, now we’re here. And this month we have a minivan and a altima.  On the minivan, the driver’s side window doesn’t roll down. I forget that every time I go to sonic.  And the Altima’s driver’s side door stopped opening from the inside.  So when I turn the car off, I HAVE TO TURN IT BACK ON TO ROLL DOWN THE WINDOW SO I CAN LET MYSELF OUT.  Every. Single. Time.

It kills me. It really does.

…but its 1 in the morning and I am up.

I’ve been working a lot lately.  I worked tonight.  And last night.  I’m lucky though.  I work in stores after they close. So I get to work alone, which is good for the rest of the population. So really, y’all are the lucky ones.

But anytime I work a lot it triggers my rebel and I end up only wanting to do EXACTLY what I WANT to do with my free time (all 45 minutes of it).  And what I want to do is eat cake draw something.  So here we go.

This Something  has nothing to do with anything.

Actually, I take that back. This Something  has nothing to do with anything.

This sketch has everything to do with what I’d love to be doing right now.  (Drawing is only second on my list).  First on my list is standing on a rock with a pinwheel.

Heaven.

Whats first on your list? Anyone…..anyone….?